Letting GoAnd Holding On
by inugomefiend
Summary: Kikyo realizes that it's time for her to let go...and for Inuyasha, too. But her surprising decision is hard for Inuyasha to take. Will he be able to accept it? Will this trio find peace at last? Will Kagome finally get her heart's truest desire?
1. Chapter 1

**Letting Go...And Holding On **

Even on a calm night such as this, the forest seems alive. Trees whisper to one another in the gentle breeze as they sway in unison, dancing elegantly in the shifting wind. The delicate scent of cherry blossoms accents the forest's quiet performance. Soft moonlight highlights the silvery mane that descends from the half-demon's dog-eared head. Twigs and dead leaves crunch beneath his bare feet as he walks, following the transparent snake-like phantoms guiding him silently through the woodlands. Propelled by curiosity and concern, Inuyasha quickens his pace.

The wispy soul-collectors finally emerge from the forest into a clearing and hover over their master. The pale, black-haired woman stares sadly at Inuyasha, who approaches with worry in his large, golden eyes.

"Kikyo," he breathes.

Her lips slightly upturn at the utterance of her name in her former lover's voice. The small smile brings a modicum of warmth and character to her cold, expressionless face. A faint flicker of joy touches her sullen eyes. "Inuyasha," she wistfully replies to his greeting.

"What's wrong? Why did you send for me? Are you hurt?" Inuyasha investigates the air with his nose, and Kikyo with his eyes, scouting for wounds. He finds no indication of injury, but notices something different about her scent--though he can't quite put his finger on what it is.

"No, nothing is wrong, Inuyasha. In fact, all will be made right tonight." Her smile expands as she steps closer to Inuyasha, placing her hand upon his chest. She looks up at him with a sparkle in her eyes Inuyasha hasn't seen since before Naraku's deception.

Puzzled, he cocks his head questioningly. His ears tilt full-forward with intense interest, each flicking nervously. He places his hand over Kikyo's. "What's going on, Kikyo?" he asks quietly. "I've never seen you like this."

_What in the world is going on?_ he wonders. _She's acting so weird...and her scent is somehow different...and what could she mean by "all will be made right tonight?"_

"Inuyasha..." Kikyo begins, dropping her eyes, along with her smile. "It is time..." Her voice trails off, almost as if she had forgotten what she was going to say. _This will not be simple, _she thinks to herself.

"Time for what?" he responds impatiently, slightly aggravated with her verbal time-out. Intrigue and uneasiness are growing in his mind as he considers her strange behavior--and he wants answers.

"It is time..." she begins again, finding it difficult to put her thoughts into words, "...for me to go." She pulls her hand from his and lets it fall to her side.

Inuyasha is stunned and bewildered at her words. For a moment he is silent. Then fear of what she might mean loosens his tongue.

"Kikyo! What are you saying?!" he questions urgently. He wonders where she's going with this...where she's _going_, period. In any case, he doesn't like the sound of it. He knows this is bad news. His clenching gut tells him as much.

"Inuyasha...I don't belong here...and we both know it. I died a long time ago. My presence here only causes pain and unrest. For you, for myself...and for..."

Still looking at the ground, she hesitates--and turns her head to the side, away from Inuyasha, as if ashamed of her own words. _His _gaze, however, only intensifies.

"...and for Kagome." she finishes, almost in a whisper.

Inuyasha picks up on Kikyo's semi-cryptic implication--is she talking about "going" into death?! His eyes widen as his worry intensifies.

He knows now what she's talking about. There is too much evidence to think she could mean anything else. Not only did Kikyo's choice of words do much to give away her intent, but her tone of voice and mannerisms served as confirmation. Inuyasha just doesn't want to believe it. Being the stubborn hanyou that he is, he opts to disregard the facts.

Nonetheless, the truth eats at the back of his mind--an unsettling gnawing he can't quite ignore. This makes him angry, and desperate for a contradiction to that which he's willfully choosing not to believe. His body betrays everything from which his mind is trying to escape. His heart thuds wildly as if he were engaged in battle; his ears thrust straight up and stiffen, as if straining to hear a sound that isn't forthcoming. His hand absentmindedly grips the handle of his Tessaiga until his knuckles turn white. The features of his face harden, creating a visage of unmistakable distress.

In his turmoil, he raises his voice: "What are you talking about, Kikyo?! You're not hurting _anyone!_ What are you thinking?! It better not be...you better not mean...

His brow creases as his volume swells to an outright shout, "...**just where the hell do you think you're going, anyway?!" **

He huffs in panting breaths after his rant, more from continued frustration than from breathlessness. He stares intensely at Kikyo, awaiting her response.

"Inuyasha..." Kikyo says evenly, unperturbed. Her eyes return to meet the half-demon's. "Please calm yourself. Stay your anger. I have to come seeking your help. Will you not allow me to explain? Please, just listen."

--

**BACK AT THE CAMPSITE**

Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara are sleeping soundly. The fire has died down to a smolder, its glow casting kaleidoscopic shadow-shapes across their horizontal forms. But one person is not lost in slumber.

Though she didn't see or hear Inuyasha leave, Kagome somehow sensed his absence in her sleep. She arises from her sleeping bag to sit at the edge of the forest, keeping vigil, her knees drawn up to her chest. She knows where the hanyou has gone.

_Why does he so often slip away to see her in the middle of the night?_ she wonders, her feelings hurt. _If there's really nothing going on between them anymore, then why does he always feel the need for so much privacy? And after everyone's asleep, too. Is he trying to keep it a secret? _Her sadness, tinged with anger, is apparent as she exhales deeply.

She ruminates about the past. She remembers every time Inuyasha has gone off to see Kikyo; every time she has cried into her pillow in her own era, or where she stood or sat in this one. She remembers the kiss she witnessed between the pair, and the embrace the couple shared by the well. For all her trying to do so, she cannot erase those images from her mind. Nor can she shake the terrible, painful feelings of all of Inuyasha's 'midnight trysts' with Kikyo--including this one. Yet she knows the facts, no matter how much she dislikes and resents them.

_Oh, why should I expect anything different. Inuyasha was in love with Kikyo long before he ever met me. I can't expect to take her place. After all, if the situation were reversed..._

She shudders at the thought. She remembers when Inuyasha sent her home and sealed the well with a tree...the time the spider demon had him in its clutches...the time he fell off the cliff near the Tree of the Human-Faced Fruit...and certainly the time when Kikyo threw her into the well and she could not return to the Fedual Era. There were a number of other instances, too...all where she thought she'd never see Inuyasha again. She realizes that the pain of separation from Inuyasha exceeds the pain of knowing he still loves Kikyo. That was the whole reason she had decided to stay the last time--she just can't live without Inuyasha. She couldn't imagine a fate more terrible than never seeing him again.

_In _any_ circumstances, I don't think I could ever get over Inuyasha. I can't imagine ever loving anyone else the way I love him. I guess I can't blame him for going off to see Kikyo...I've really got no right to be upset. He can't let go of her any more than I can let go of him._

Kagome just wishes it could be different somehow. Ideally, that would mean Inuyasha would get over Kikyo and love her back...but she'd settle for getting over Inuyasha instead, if she could. Then it wouldn't hurt so much when he went to Kikyo's side...or when situations arose that threatened to separate him from her _own _side. It would just make things easier, simpler, less painful. If she could just fall for someone else instead...

_It's not like I don't have other options...Hojo really seems to care about me, and Kouga has even told me he loves me. They are both wonderful people; I know either of them would be good to me._

Reality butts in again, and she sighs heavily.

_But I just can't be with either of them, as much as I care for them both. It's obvious, my heart belongs only to Inuyasha. There is nothing I can do to change that. So I guess I can kind of see where he's coming from in some small way. _

An ache develops in her chest, remembering where her beloved is at this very moment. _But it still really hurts, nonetheless. As long as Kikyo's around_, _ Inuyasha's heart will never be mine_.

As Kagome faces this painful truth, the ache in her chest tightens. Her eyes glisten with an upswell of tears, cupped between upper and lower lids, begging for release.

All of her aspirations and dreams have been centered around gaining Inuyasha's love for so long...and though she must have known it was impossible all along, having even said as much to herself before, she couldn't help but continue to hope. It kept her feeling alive, strong. In the face of this irrefutable truth that she could not continue to supress, she realizes she can no longer hold on to her idealization. The tightness becomes full-on heartbreak.

"I just have to learn to let go of that hope..." she whispers aloud.

Unable to hold back her sorrow any longer, droplets spill from her glistening eyes, dampening her knees. Though she has come to understand Inuyasha, and even empathize with him, all that understanding and empathy doesn't make Kagome's situation any less painful for her--or any easier to accept.

**A/N: This is my first fanfic ever!! Please tell me how you like it--review, please! :) **

I have seriously revised this from its original form--those of you who have already reviewed the first version, please drop me a line personally from my profile page to let me know your opinion on this, as FFN will not allow a second review.

Thank you very much!! :)


	2. Chapter 2

With Kikyo and Inuyasha:

Inuyasha begins to calm upon Kikyo's firm, but gentle, command. He wants answers, and Kikyo is asking him to listen. Therefore he resigns himself to silence for the time being. "Of course, Kikyo...I'll help you any way I can. I will hear what you have to say."

"Thank you," Kikyo sighs. She gathers her thoughts for a moment, and her breath, and begins her monologue. "Inuyasha, I died believing the man I intended to live together with had used me...toyed with me...betrayed me. My seething fury and terrible hurt went with me into the grave. When I was reanimated, those feelings were resurrected as well. Even after learning the truth about Naraku's deception...even after finding out that your feelings for me were real and not a deceitful game...I could not get past them. Because I only possess a part of my own soul, I could not--cannot--purge those terrible memories and feelings from my heart and mind. I am frozen in time--that time. The feelings I died with have been reborn with my body, and I am powerless to change that on my own. The only way I could do it on my own would be to reclaim the rest of my soul and become whole again. But that is not an option, as you and I both know. It wouldn't be right, for more than one reason. I was a priestess before I was killed--that part of me still knows right from wrong, even if my tainted heart sometimes causes me to stumble. I cannot justify murdering an innocent girl for my own selfish desire to live...and it would not be right for the long-dead to walk among the living in her stead. I have no alternative then but to reclaim my destiny--and return to the earth from which I sprang at the hands of that demon witch."

Inuyasha bows his head and closes his eyes at the utterance of the words he had feared were coming. He wishes to speak, but does not know what to say. His last outburst hadn't worked to change Kikyo's mind--and he doesn't know any other way to convince her.

Kikyo notices Inuyasha's response, and continues with her explanation. She wants him to understand. "I am tired, Inuyasha. My heart and mind are tormented by my feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal. And..." Kikyo pauses for a moment before finishing in a hushed tone. "...and by my continued longing to be with you."

Inuyasha fidgets nervously at that last statement, his cheeks suddenly rosy. A brief silence ensues before Inuyasha breaks it.

"Well if you still want to be with me, then why the Hell don't you just stay?! We can work out the rest together, damn it!"

Kikyo sighs. She knew this would be difficult. "You don't understand, Inuyasha. There is nothing to work out. This is simply no kind of life for me. I do not have peace. I do not have joy. I do not have...anymore..." Her eyes show an almost tangible sadness as she casts her gaze aside.

Inuyasha is bewildered into biting his tongue--for the moment. His ears twitch awaiting Kikyo's next statement.

"Inuyasha...I...no longer have you." She barely gets the words out without her long-imprisoned emotions tainting her speech.

Inuyasha opens his mouth to speak, but Kikyo beats him to it. She has regained full composure. Before she could speak, she had to be certain no waver would touch her voice. She had always had to be strong; she did not want to appear weak now--in front of Inuyasha, during her last visit with him in this life. She did not want him to remember her that way.

Now satisfied with her self-control, she meets his gaze again and continues.

"I also took with me to my grave my love for you, Inuyasha. I cannot dispel that any more than I can dispel any of the negative emotions that have become a part of me. And that, too, only causes me pain. Because I know I cannot be with you...and because you have someone else now." Her eyes drop again; she can't help herself. Inuyasha wants to speak up and say it isn't so, but he can't quite do it. Although he still has feelings for Kikyo, what she has said is not entirely untrue. Before Inuyasha can think of an appropriate response, Kikyo speaks again. "I am very jealous, you know." A weak smile breaks the melancholy of her face momentarily. Inuyasha blinks at her in surprise at her uncharacteristic behavior. Kikyo continues in a more serious tone, "I have no real reason to dislike Kagome. She has even saved me--more than once. In fact, in a way, she is saving me now. I've had a lot to think about since Kagome purified the miasma threatening my life after the ordeal at Mt. Hakurei. Her compassion, her selflessness, her bravery--they have served to remind me of who I once was--and who I can never really be again. I have been plagued with such thoughts since that day...and have come to the conclusion that this is no way to live...no way for _me _to live."

Inuyasha prepares to rebut, but is thwarted once again.

"But I know that Kagome cares deeply for you, Inuyasha...and that you harbor feelings for her, as well. I cannot help but feel jealousy over that. That is just another sad grievance for me to bear. I need my rest, now, Inuyasha. I need my peace. I need to let go of my worldly longings and the negative emotions tainting my existence. I must return to my eternal rest. It is the only way. There is no other."

Inuyasha has heard enough. He sees red. "Damn it Kikyo!! Why the Hell are you so damned determined to die?! You got a second chance and now you--"

Kikyo cuts him off. "Inuyasha, please understand. It's not that I want to die...but that I am already dead. I was never supposed to _get_ a second chance, to be given another life. I met my fate 50 years ago, and only embracing that fate will set me free. I will never be happy as long as I wander this earth in this sad state...neither dead nor alive, feeling only what I was left with at the time of my demise, wandering aimlessly with no direction or purpose...and alone. I know you still care for me, Inuyasha, but things have changed. I cannot be with you now, and you cannot be with me. Your heart is no longer mine alone...and my presence here only keeps you from giving it fully to it's true owner." She smiles up at Inuyasha with a mixture of sadness and joy. She feels pain at the thought of losing the entirety of his heart, but truly wants him to be happy. She knows that a certain someone can bring him that happiness.

Inuyasha has never been so at a loss for words in his life. His mind races desperately to think of something to say...something comforting, something to defend Kikyo's existence here, something to keep her from doing what is now obvious that she intends to do...but he can only draw a blank. Thus his instinctive responses reign--anger and guilt.

"By your logic, Kikyo, I too should 'return to my fate' or whatever the Hell you said. I met my fate then, too, ya know! So if it was your fate to die back then, then it must have been mine as well! Especially since it's all because of me that you're really doing this, I know it! You said you don't have me anymore when I'm standing right here! So I know...somehow I've failed you. Now if you're gonna go off half-crazy and do something stupid like this, then you damn well better do it right! Get your arrow ready and I'll find a nice big tree for you to pin me to! Then we can both be out of our misery and 'find peace'!!" The last two words are spat out with more than a little dark sarcasm.

"Inuyasha," Kikyo says gently, "in a way you are right. I have considered all possiblities. You are indeed a part of my fate."

Inuyasha is stunned that Kikyo actually admitted he was right--or at least partly so. His face is still twisted in vexation, however, since he has yet to hear the words he is listening for.

Kikyo continues, "Do you not remember, Inuyasha? I was killed 50 years ago. I died. My soul was reincarnated. You were merely spelled into sleep--by _my_ arrow of sealing. Then you were re-awakened--by _my_ reincarnated soul. Don't you see, Inuyasha? You were never meant to die--you were meant to live. My arrow sealed you rather than killing you--and then my soul, in Kagome's body, released you. Your fate in this has come full circle."

Kikyo's words do nothing to quell Inuyasha's ire. After a moment of pondering her words, he retorts angrily.

"Maybe you're wrong, Kikyo...maybe _I _was the one who was supposed to die and _you_ were supposed to sleep for 50 years! Didja ever think of that?! Or how about this? Maybe, just maybe, you aint supposed to go takin' fate into your own damn hands! How the Hell do _you _know what was supposed to happen? For all either of us knows, fate screwed up and it was ME who was supposed to die back then! Or maybe fate _meant_ for you to live like this, even if some of it aint all that damn pleasant! Whatcha got to say about all that, huh?" Inuyasha is huffing with rage. He folds his arms, livid face to the side, self-righteous nose slightly upturned. His pose reminds Kikyo of an obstinate two-year-old.

Unruffled by Inuyasha's outburst, Kikyo responds without missing a beat. "Inuyasha, there is a wisdom that surpasses knowledge as most think of it. There is a knowing of the spirit--though few may touch it. _I _was born a priestess. I know what I've said is true. No argument from you can dissuade me."

Inuyasha is speechless once more. He just can't counter Kikyo's arguments, though he desperately wants to.

Kikyo adds gently, "Yet you are still a part of this, Inuyasha. I am not doing this merely for my own peace. This I must do for you as well. You too are frozen in time, in a way--because of me. You cannot grieve for me, Inuyasha, so long as I walk along the ground with a fleshly form. You cannot let go of your lingering feelings for me. You still leave behind everyone else who needs you to come to my aid whenever you believe me to be in danger. Part of you is still clinging to me, despite the fact that I am no longer a true living being; despite the fact that someone else has made their way into your heart; despite the fact that you've seen the misguided behavior of my tainted heart. You too know that we can no longer be together, yet you still hold on. You need your peace, too, Inuyasha, or you will not find true happiness. I owe it to you to give you this freedom. I want you to be happy. I will always love you...but I must let you go now. And you must let go of me. So that we can both put the past to rest and move on."

"Kikyo..." the hanyou grumbles in frustration. He is frazzled at her words. Her logic eludes him; he cannot argue against it effectively. Yet he doesn't want to lose her, whether or not he can find a sound reason to convince her to stay. He fumbles for a response. His aggravation at his ineffectiveness with words quickly becomes apparent as he barks out,

"Kikyo, I don't buy that crap for a minute, but even if you _are _right, I don't care! You're asking me to help you _die_! I can't do that! I want you to live, Kikyo!! Don't you understand that?!"

Kikyo smiles feebly. "Of course I do, Inuyasha. But that doesn't change the facts. I know this won't be easy for you...but you MUST let me go. You will, in time, get past it. You will, in time, feel free again. You will...find the love and happiness your heart truly desires. It just was not meant to be with me. It was not our fate...at least not in this life." She smiles, more broadly than before, at the irony of her words.

Inuyasha's eyes begin to twitch as comprehension of Kikyo's determination sinks in. His voice deepens with the darkness growing in his heart. He murmurs, "How...how can you even think I'd be happy with you...dead?" His already strained voice hitches on the last word. "You...you can't just leave me," he growls. "I mean—you said—you said you still—but if you do, then—then I—Kikyo, you just can't do this. You. Just. Can't." His guttural voice transmutes to a crackle, ripe with reined-in emotion. His efforts to deny free expression to any 'weak' feelings displaces the sympathetic tone he normally uses with Kikyo with an angrier tone. "What can I do, what can I say to change your mind?! Do you really have have to do this?!"

"I know this is sudden, Inuyasha, and hard for you to accept. But this truly is the only way to make things right. Deep down, you too know it is so. I will not change my mind, Inuyasha. I have come to realize that the person I have become since being reborn is not who I really am...or who I was before my death...or who I want to be. I have behaved badly, especially for a priestess. Now I see all the trouble and pain I've caused. I wish to rectify that. My return to death will cease much struggle for me, Inuyasha, and for you...and certainly for the third person I do this for...Kagome."

"What...what the Hell has she got to do with any of this?" Inuyasha chokes out, trying to keep a strong facade.

"For all your heightened senses, Inuyasha, you can be so blind sometimes..." Kikyo muses softly.

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AN: Thanks to all who left reviews! Doing so encourages me to continue!! But extra special thanks, credit, and kudos goes to _**brakken**_ for her major help on this chapter revision and her contribution to the story. She cowrote part of this revised version of this chapter as well as advised me heavily on my own revisions. Her assistance has been invaluable!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **First, **SO SORRY FOR THE LONG DELAY ON THIS UPDATE!! **I struggled severly with this chapter...I'll try to update sooner next time. (sidenote: the bold names below are fellow members of FFNet)

Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews from _**Rikku Himura**_, _**sakura l. fukashigi**_, and _**Michio**_! This story would be dead in the water without them, and I mean that sincerely! :) I'd very much appreciate any additional crits on this chapter, too...I really labored over this one; contending with Writer's Block (more like Writer's Terror! ;) ) as well as a little case of what I call "Writer's Remorse!" lol But, with good advice from my hubby, _amazing_ input from my mommy : ) , terrific tips I got from _**KNITTINGKNOTS**_, and excellent editing help by my brilliant son, _**LATIMEW**_, (Giving away my age here...oh well. :) ) I think it eventually turned out pretty good. I personally think it's the best one so far. If any readers agree with that sentiment, I may rewrite the first two chapters after I've finished the story to improve them as well (maybe the whole thing...I think this chapter may be a little overdramatic). :)

Hope you like this installment...please help me improve my work by reviewing...any and all crits, no matter how brutal, are welcomed! I haven't written in so long...I know I need to improve, so please help me do so! Advice gladly taken!

**Letting Go...And Holding On**

Kikyo takes a deep breath. This is one of the hardest things she's ever had to say. "Inuyasha," she forges ahead bravely, "Kagome has been your constant companion ever since she freed you from my arrow. She has risked her life for you many times, and saved you from death more than once. She is always there for you. She sacrifices much to stay by your side. Anyone with eyes can see how she cares for you. Yet equally as obviously is the burden of pain she carries in her heart. It has not escaped my notice, though I do not believe she is aware of this. She struggles to hide it--especially from you. Yet the hurt inside her is evident in her eyes..." Kikyo lowers her head. "...and _I _am to blame for that."

Inuyasha can't believe what he's hearing--more to the point, _who_ he's hearing it _from._ His emotions stir as Kikyo's sentiments about Kagome echo in his mind. The last brings on a surge of guilt. _If one person is to blame for any pain Kagome feels, it's __**me**__..._he thinks to himself. Yet when he opens his mouth to defend Kikyo, she quickly hushes him with a hand to the air, her head rising in sync with her forearm.

_I must continue before my courage falters, _the ghostly woman reflects. "My jealousy and interference have come between you. This is the source of Kagome's unhappiness. She deserves more than this. She deserves to be happy. You can give her that happiness, Inuyasha. And though it pains me to say it..." Kikyo's eyelids draw shut. "_She_ can also make _you_ happy." Her lips form a fragile smile as she opens her eyes again.

Inuyasha is taken aback. His mind whirls chaotically with the sudden onslaught of broken thoughts. They come at him so fast, he doesn't have time to process them fully. Only one of them is coherent: …_she __**does**__ make me happy…_

Inuyasha shakes his head. He has to keep his mind clear. He cannot afford to let himself get distracted. Or he will lose Kikyo. Forever.

"I know you don't fully understand all of this, Inuyasha, and that it is difficult for you to accept. Nonetheless, you cannot deny the truth of everything I've told you tonight. And now, whether or not you completely comprehend or support this, you must make a decision...because I've already made mine--irrevocably. Inuyasha...will you help me make things right? Will you help me return to my proper place...this time in peace?"

Inuyasha is torn by his need to answer Kikyo's call and his commitment to safeguard her. His eyebrows frown and his eyes quiver, configuring a pained expression. He prepares to disappoint the priestess. "Kikyo...I really want to help you. But...I don't know if I can. I want to help you _live_, Kikyo...I...I can't...help you _die!" _A pleading tone enters his voice on the last word.

"Inuyasha," says Kikyo reassuringly, gently squeezing his arm, "it is what I wish. It is what I need."

"But...it's my duty to protect you! I promised! So how can I? I mean, even if I _could_, I..._**couldn't!"**_

Inuyasha notes that it is becoming increasingly difficult to counter Kikyo's arguments. _I can't lose_….he thinks to himself. _She's asking me to help her __**die**__! That's the same thing as asking me to __**kill **__her! _A growl escapes Inuyasha's throat at the thought, a snarl appearing unbidden on his face. He wants to _roar_ at Kikyo, to shake her until she comes to her senses. _There's got to be another way! There just __**has**__ to be! I have to find a way to talk her out of this…_

Paying no mind to Inuyasha's bared fangs and gutteral rumbling, Kikyo resumes pleading her case. "Disregard your promise to me, Inuyasha. I know you are a man of your word. I know that your sense of honor binds you to your vows. Nonetheless, some promises just can't be kept."

Inuyasha's eyes are desperate, yet defiant. _Perhaps another approach might be more effective_, Kikyo wonders. She tilts her head curiously, a mischievous smile accompanying her movement. "Don't you also protect Kagome, Inuyasha?" she questions wryly. She's certain this tack will be more persuasive. "How can you always protect us both? You can't be in two places at one time. One of us will always be in potential danger if you're not there."

His growling and snarling subsides. His face softens; his eyes don a look of incredulity. His anger morphs into a sad sense of failure as he realizes the truth of Kikyo's words. He had always told himself he could protect Kikyo _and _Kagome. Yet the pale beauty before him was nonetheless right--—he undoubtedly could not be in two places at one time.

Lifting her head, Kikyo reverts to her previous position. Her expression becomes more sober; her inflection more serious. "Shouldn't you be there for Kagome, to protect her in this dangerous world of demons? Like Naraku?"

Though issued gently, the implication is harsh. Inuyasha seals his eyes tight against it.

Kikyo knows she is making headway. She closes her eyes momentarily with a light sigh, the smallest upturn on the corners of her mouth. She coaxes Inuyasha further, "Try looking at it another way, Inuyasha. Would you not agree that it is impossible to break an oath from which you have been released? If the one to whom you made the oath no longer holds you to it, is it not then undone?"

A thoughtful, confused look washes over Inuyasha's face. As he struggles for an answer, Kikyo breaks into his thoughts.

"Whichever way you see it, Inuyasha, I want you to know that _I _desire to liberate you from that needless obligation. I no longer wish you to be bound to protect me--with one final exception. Protect me one last time, Inuyasha, as I ask…from this unnatural life of anguish and longing; from my own darkened heart. Help me release my inner demons and die with serenity. Then we can both let go of our unrest--and of each other. You will at last be able to mourn for me--and I will no longer lament the life I could not have. Then we shall both be free. You and I—and Kagome as well--will finally be able to find our peace. Please, Inuyasha…for yourself, for Kagome, and for me…please help me."

Her words are filled with unwavering hope—and steely determination. Inuyasha is reeling. His heart feels compelled to help her attain the peace she desires—and deserves—be he cannot let go enough to oblige. His chest tightens as he considers her carefully in the moonlight. She looks so desolate, so fragile, so utterly helpless--a far cry from the strong woman he fell in love with 50 years ago. Sorrow seizes his heart, distorting the features of his face. He draws her name out slowly, as if his mouth were full of molasses...

"Ki-ki-yo…"

Tears hover on the periphery of his eyes. His desperation is apparent. "Kikyo…please…I just can't!" He's almost shouting at her.

"Inuyasha," Kikyo retorts, her tone more commanding now. "It is only my love for you and the yet-untainted portion of my mind that have allowed me to see these truths for myself, and to reveal them to you tonight. Yet they are not enough to quell the darkness that still lurks here beneath the surface. They will soon consume me again if I do not make my way back to where I belong. Without your help…I will be cursed to remain afflicted, be it in this world or the afterlife, should I go there on my own. I will not have peace, Inuyasha. I will not have rest. My heart will know only yearning, pain and rage. I will not be able to move on. Would you disregard my wishes and allow me to suffer so? Would you condemn me to such a fate forever?"

"No," Inuyasha breathes. "I don't want you to suffer, Kikyo." Gravity tugs at the swelling of saltwater in his eyes as he hangs his head, spilling into streaks down his face.

"Then do as I ask, Inuyasha. Please…I need you now…"

Inuyasha swallows hard, his eyes transfixed on the dewy grass underfoot. After a long pause, he finally speaks. His languished voice whispers, "...what do I have to do?"

_**Thank you so much for reading! I'd really appreciate a review/crit/commentary...anything to help me further my 'writing ability.' You can email me directly if you're not comfortable with the systems here--at ks again! Stay tuned for chapter 4! (I'll try to get it up quicker than I did this one)**_

_**I hope you liked this chapter...I thought it was the best so far, but then I went back and made a lot of changes...I hope I didn't "kill" it by over-editing! lol**_


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:**_ Sorry for the long delay. I've been going through a rough time recently…still am. Please forgive, and be patient. ___

_Thank you so much to all my faithful reviewers! You're the breath of life in this story, honestly! ___

_This chapter's kinda cheesy and overdramtic, I think, but that's the way I am…and plus I've been there! The whole "I love him but he doesn't love me back" thing. __**IT FREAKIN' HURTS!**__ You wanna leave cuz it hurts, butcha can't cuz ya love the jerk…and then you go and start thinking about the _jerk's_ feelings, and then you _really_ can't leave! lol Just thought a little pre-quelish dialogue might help make sense of Kagome's changes of mind and heart throughout the story. Ok, on with the story:_

**Letting Go…And Holding On**

The moon is dissolving into the faded navy-blue of twilight as morning approaches. The stars are dimming out, leaving only a small scattering of them still visible in the dusky haze of pre-dawn. Kagome is lying down on the damp grass to watch as they vanish, one by one._ It's almost morning, _she realizes_. Inuyasha's usually back by this time. I hope he didn't run into some kind of trouble out there…_

She snorts derisively. _He's with Kikyo. That's only trouble for __**me**__. _ A twinge of sharp pain grasps her heart, followed by a wave of aching sadness. She sighs.

_I understand better now, but I can't help how I feel. I still feel jealous and angry. This is just so painful! The longer I'm with Inuyasha...the more it hurts to see him running off to Kikyo every time I turn around. To know that he still loves her. To Know that...to know that..._

A translucent film graces Kagome's eyes as she struggles to finish the thought.

…_To_ _know that he'll never love__**me**__! _The pain is too unbearable for her to keep inside any longer. She rolls onto her stomach, and bathes the grass with her tears. Her respiration comes in long, shaky breaths, releasing all her tortured emotions into them.

After a few moments, she finally feels empty enough to continue her abstraction. _But I am the one who decided to stay with Inuyasha, despite knowing he had chosen Kikyo over me. That decision gets harder to live with every day. Maybe…maybe instead of letting go of the hope of ever having Inuyasha for myself, I should just let go of Inuyasha._ She rolls back to her previous position and sits up, knees-to-chest, too miserable to find lying down relaxing or enjoyable. She encircles her legs with her arms and rests her damp cheeks on her knees, her sniffling nose peeking out from between the bony knobs.

The sun begins to peek out drowsily from behind the curve of the earth, as if awakening from a deep sleep, gleaming like polished brass. It reminds Kagome of Inuyasha's large, elliptical eyes. She smiles at the thought, lifting her head. Her long, onyx waves fall around her face, providing a natural curtain for her reddened eyes to hide behind. The sun's beams struggle to reach through the black veil to dry the remnants of her tears. She exhales defeatedly. _No, I can't do that this time any more than I could before. I love Inuyasha with all my heart. I can't imagine a life without him in it. I can't leave him. I can't forget him. I can't let him go. And I can never, ever stop loving him. _

_Ah…_her eyes pop open wide as a realization springs to mind. _That's it! Inuyasha's doing exactly what I'm doing now! I mean, I guess I've kinda known it all along, in the back of my mind…and I saw it in part last night…but now it's so much clearer…so obvious! I really __**don't **__have a right to be mad at Inuyasha…_ _He's only following his heart, just as I do. I can't blame him for that._ _He's always loved Kikyo and now she's dead! Inuyasha blames himself at least partly for her death, if not just as much as he blames Naraku! As if all that wasn't enough, his dead beloved continues to walk around as if she were still alive! I can't even begin to imagine how much anguish Inuyasha must feel…he must hurt even more than I do…_

Pangs of guilt and remorse take the place of her previous despondency. _Come to think of it, his eyes…I never really thought about it before…his eyes always have a certain sadness about them when he returns from a visit with Kikyo. I've just been too wrapped up in my own feelings to notice! I've never really given thought to how Inuyasha must feel… All I've thought of when he's gone off to see Kikyo was how much it hurt me...how it made __**me**__ feel...I've gotten angry with him...I've even..._

She pauses as a sigh of self-reproach makes its way out. _I've even SAT him for it! What's wrong with me?! _Her head bows low as her shoulders slump_. I've been so selfish, _she thinks with downcast eyes, _so self-absorbed. I'm so ashamed. I mean...how would I feel in his place?_ Feeling terribly guilty, she distractedly fondles a blade of grass. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she whispers.

After a few silent moments, Kagome vows into the wind, "From now on, Inuyasha, I will truly be there for you. I've been too selfish at the times you've needed me most…I promise from this day on to put my own heartache aside and tend to yours instead." Grounded in her determination to do right by Inuyasha, Kagome's heart lightens.

Feeling better, she gets to her feet and turns toward the camp. Three pairs of eyes suddenly change direction as her comrades each pretend to be busied with something other than watching Kagome. A little smile brightens her face as she chuckles softly to herself. _Who do they think they're kidding? _Her smile widens.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN-1: **Sorry again for the delay, but it couldn't be helped! At least this one's longer! Hope you like it! Please leave feedback for me!

**AN-2: **Thanks **SO MUCH **for the wonderful feedback from my **loyal readers**! I may not have but a few, but that's enough to make it all worth while to me! My heartfelt thanks to you all! You don't know how much I appreciate **the feedback and interest **in my story! ** It truly keeps me from giving up**! :)

**AN-3: **Sorry, I hate to disapppoint anyone, but the actual death scene I had planned to put in here...well, I started the process, but ended it there. The real death will be in the next chapter. But I have a really good reason for it! My story took a little turn off the path I had laid out, and now I'm doing something a little bit different...I'll give you two hints...by chapter's end, it is daylight--and some of the conversation before that happens in this chapter will give you the other clue if you're really paying attention! ;)

**AN-4: PLEASE NOTE!! **THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE FROMNIGHT TIL MORNING--the **SAME night and morning Kagome just went through**. (the two chapters happen simultaneously)

**Letting Go...And Holding On**

"Thank you, Inuyasha," says Kikyo with a sincere smile of gratitude. She takes Inuyasha's hand in her own, causing him to lift his head and look at her. The moonlight highlights the rawness of his eyes--an unmistakable reminder to Kikyo how difficult it was for him to acquiesce and agree to grant her wish. "Come," she says softly. She leads him to a nearby outcropping of rock and sits down, her guiding hand inducing him to do the same.

"Inuyasha," she begins, "in order for me to move on with contentment of conscience and ease of spirit, I must see the past through your eyes...feel what you've felt...learn what you've learned. I must behold your experiences through your senses as if they were my own. My retrospection surrounding my death will be supplanted by yours, along with your perceptions of the aftermath--learning of Naraku's betrayal, my resurrection, my behavior thereafter--all from your point of view. If I can touch your heart and mind in such a way, I will be able to release the images and emotions I first died with. I will have a new heart, in a manner of speaking, to take with me into the next world. Your truth will displace the lies in my heart that have thus far haunted me. I will then be able to pass on into the afterlife with tranquility. Do you understand?" She looks at him quizzically, but with a visible tenderness in her eyes.

"I...I think so..." replies Inuyasha, his brow furrowed, "...But...how exactly do we do this? I aint no holy man, ya know. I don't think my demon powers will be much help..."

Kikyo can't help but laugh slightly at her beloved. Unsure if she's making fun of him, he peers at her through the edges of his eyes.

"Inuyasha!" Kikyo lilts with a smile. She squeezes his hand gently, assuring him her laughter was not meant as ridicule. "No, I do not expect you to draw upon your demon powers. You need only be my vessel. I believe that I will be able to use my miko powers to make the connection necessary for the transposition. That is all I require of you." A genuine smile warms the coolness of her porcelain face.

_She looks so happy, _Inuyasha thinks._ It's pretty clear that this _is _what she honestly wants. So then I really don't have a choice. She's suffered so much for so long...I owe her this. So I will have to be strong for her. I will give her the freedom from that sufferring that she wants and needs--and certainly deserves. She _asked _me to...how can I refuse her? I want her to smile like that forever...So I must do this for her, no matter the cost to me..._

A heavy, dejected sigh eminates from deep within him at that last thought.

This draws Kikyo's attention. Keenly aware of the reason for it, her compassion for Inuyasha causes her to respond in kind.

Kikyo addresses him mentally. _As difficult as this will be for you, Inuyasha, it must be done. If I continue on like this, it will only prolong your pain, as well as my own. Likewise Kagome's. Once I've moved on, we shall all be able to rise above and reclaim happiness._

On that positive note, Kikyo looks up at Inuyasha. He seems to be studying her intently, with a worried look on his face.

"What is it, Inuyasha?" she asks.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. A minute ago you seemed happier than ever, then all of a sudden you looked miserable. Then you seemed to perk up again just when I was going to ask you what was wrong. So what's going on? Are you having second thoughts?"

The hopefulness in his question does not elude his listener. However, the half-hearted smile she replies with does little to reassure him.

"No, Inuyasha," she says softly, "I was simply empathizing with you. I do not envy you your part in this. I am truly sorry. If there was any other way...or anyone else who could hlep..."

Inuyasha stops her there. "Don't even think like that, Kikyo! This may be hard for me, but I'm proud and glad to be the one to go through this with you. When Naraku hit you with his tentacles and sent you off that cliff, I thought I'd lost you forever then. But my biggest regret was that I wasn't there...not only did I fail to protect or save you, you...you had to die alone."

He tugs her into him with the hand he still has locked with hers, then lets go to affectionately embrace her with both arms. She returns the gesture.

Inuyasha whispers in Kikyo's ear, "I was prepared to follow you into Hell, Kikyo. If this is your preference and your true wish now...then I wouldn't have nobody else _but_ me by your side when you cross over. You will NOT die alone! I _want _to be the one with you when you go. Don't you know that by now?"

They pull apart, tiny smiles gracing their faces. The duo has found a modicum of comfort--in each other--with the other-worldly art about to take place.

Their minds now more at ease, they look up at the sky in unison. The inky black of night gives way to a lighter hue as sunup approaches. The moon takes on a milky look as the dusty Caribean blue of fore-dawn tugs at its edges, swallowing them up in its haze.

Peering past the soul-collectors swirling overhead, Kikyo comments, "the stars are fading and the darkness of the sky is dissipating. Morning will arrive shortly. We should begin now. Your friends will worry and seek you out if you do not return soon."

Inuyasha concurs with a single nod. This is not a pleasant task he's about to undertake--but it is a deeply private one. He would not wish to be disturbed during the process--and certainly would not want to be seen by Kagome.

The pair rise together to stand face-to-face in the fading moonlight. Inuyasha is scowling and fidgeting nervously. Sensing there is more to his agitation than just the emotions roiling in his heart with what's about to happen, Kikyo questions him.

Inuyasha stammers his response. "Well...uh...um...I just have a couple of questions."

"You may ask me anythig," Kikyo replies with concern.

"It's just that...well...I was wondering...how much of my memories will you see? I mean...are you only going to see the stuff that has to do with your death and things like that? Or...every memory I have?" He looks at her sheepishly, tilting his head slightly downward.

Kikyo believes she understands his concern. He is worried that she will see and feel his memories of Kagome and become upset. She gives Inuyasha a half-smile as she gathers her reply.

"Well, Inuyasha, there are no guarantees. My prime focus is to share only those memories pertaining to my death and myself after my revival. However, I cannot promise you I will not see other memories as well. After all, I've never done this before. Never you mind, that, though. I do believe I am aware of the memories and feelings you fear my reaction to, and I am prepared to witness them with you. I will not become jealous or angry or sad. Rest easy, Inuyasha. There is nothing in your mind and heart that can hurt me now. I will get what I need from you and that alone will help me accept anything I might otherwise find unpleasant." She smiles broadly to further assure her companion.

Inuyasha relaxes somewhat at her words. Nevertheless, he has one more question for her...

He casts his head further down as he struggles to get the words out, shading his eyes from view with the hair covering his forehead.

He rapid-fires his thoughts out nervously, pausing only fleetingly to catch his breath when necessary. "Kikyo...uh...I'd also like to know...uh...during this transferrence, or whatever you want to call it...will my memories become yours and the other way around too? Will both of us actualIy lose our own memories in this process? I mean, I don't mind sharing mine with you, or taking on yours if that's a part of it, and if forgetting everything that's happened since your spell was broken is what it takes for you to find your rest, then so be it, but...if it's possible I'd like to keep my memories when this is over. There are pe--er, uh, things--I really don't want to forget."

Relieved to have it all "out there," he takes a deep breath. He peeks at Kikyo from beneath his bangs, deliberately trying to avoid direct eye contact. He is apprehensive about not only her answer to his question, but of her reaction to his asking it. He realizes that she must know he is not worried about forgetting _her, _if indeed their memories would be exchanged...he worries that she may know he is referring to memories of Kagome. Despite the reassurance she just gave him about witnessing those memories, his asking to keep them might evoke stronger feelings in her. Yet he feels he _must_ know the answer, even if the answer is what he _fears_ it will be rather than what he _wants_ it to be. Even if he is helpless to change that. He just _needs_ to know. To prepare for it. To say goodbye, in a way, in his mind--before "blanking out"--if that is the reality he must face.

Kikyo smiles knowingly, somewhat amused. She knows what he means by "pe--er, uh, things." _He's so cute when he's nervous! _she thinks. She surveys the fidgety half-demon. He's shifting about restlessly, still using his bangs as a cloak to hide any emotions apparent in his eyes--and as a shield from any visual retaliation for them that he obviously fears his observer may have. Rather bemused, Kikyo can't help but smile fondly at this trademark behavior of his.

"Inuyasha," she begins sympathetically, "Please cease your fretting. You will simply be _sharing_ your rembrances with me...not handing them over. You will retain your memories when this is finished. You may put your mind at ease."

Inuyasha exhales his relief quietly, lifting his head to meet Kikyo's eyes with his own again. She is smiling sincerely at him, calming him with her sign of comfort.

Kikyo's smile fades quickly, though, as her cheerful countenence turns to a visage of seriousness. "However, there is one thing I feel I must warn you about, Inuyasha."

His heart skips a beat. _What could it be __**now?!**_ He wonders with agitation.

"My memories...I am not certain whether or not you will see them. I do suspect that you will because you and I share both a common history and a special bond. Yet _my_ recollections, should you be subjected to them, are largely unpleasant--to put it mildly. I have long harbored great anger--even hatred--toward certain events and people--especially_ you _Inuyasha. Of all this, I am not proud...but I cannot discard these things without your help. Since you have agreed to aid me so, you may be exposed to my most terrible of memories...you will see and feel for yourself all the shameful yet powerful darkness of my heart. Regretfully, it is a possibility. Are you prepared to face it?"

Inuyasha is relieved. _That _is not what he considers a problem. "Yes, Kikyo. I have already seen some of that darkness for myself...and I'm ready to take it all. I will be strong, and I will help take all that pain and hatred away. Don't worry about me. Just do what you need to do, and know that I will be there by your side through it all."

The tenderness in his voice and eyes makes Kikyo's heart ache. For just a moment she almost reconsiders going through with this--but quickly retracts the thought. With a determined sigh, she takes Inuyasha's hands, clasping them between her own, and raises all four of them as a single unit to chest-level. Stepping forward, she brings herself nearly nose-to-nose with her partner. "Are you ready? Shall we begin?"

"Just one last thing first, Kikyo..." Inuyasha responds quietly, looking deep into her eyes. "I...I have some things to say to you before...before you..."

Kikyo shakes her head, trapping his words in his mouth. "There is no need for good-byes, now, Inuyasha, or grand proclamations. I will see it, hear it, feel it...I will know it all in this process. You need not speak any of it...simply be silent, and come with me into this journey of the spirit. Then we shall both return to where we each belong thereafter." She smiles sweetly at him. He nods in agreement with a weak smile of his own.

"Now, let us begin. Inuyasha, I need you to make your mind as clear as possible. Try not to think of or remember anything; I will summon your memories once the connection has been made. Your mind must be blank for that to happen. Do not speak or move. Close your eyes, fill your mind with nothingness, and concentrate only on breathing slowly and steadily. I will do the rest. Do you think you can accomplish such stillness?" Her question is honest; there is no belittlement in it. Inuyasha nods. _I'll do my best, _he thinks, not as sure as the look on his face indicates.

Dawn eases onto the horizon, stretching out lazily across the sky as it awakens from its slumber. Its gilded brightness engulfs the remnants of night and bathes the two former lovers in an ethereal glow. This is a distraction neither expected or can simply dismiss.

"Morning has broken," says Kikyo, undeterred. "It is only light. Close your eyes, now, Inuyasha. Pay no mind to the surrounding light; give no heed to the stirrings of the forest creatures. To help clear your head of thought, envision with your mind's eye a white bed linen hanging on a line. Draw closer into it until it is all-consuming; until all you see is pure white. Shut out everything of the outside world. I know it's harder now that daylight has arrived, but I believe in you. I know you can do this."

Her confidence in him gives Inuyasha a little more faith in himself. Now he too knows he can do this, despite the distractions all around. He nods once more, with a more confident smile this time. Kikyo mirrors his expression.

"Now, then, let us try to begin once more. Focus on your breathing and the mental image of the white linen--nothing more. Close your eyes. That's it...good. Now..."

_**Well I made this chapter longer, because someone told me the last one was too short! :) I hope this chapter made it worth the wait, for which I apologize again. Oh, and a note about Kikyo's character in this story: I explained in the first few chapters that she was able to be so civil by hanging on to the untainted parts of her mind and heart. Here, she is even more than "civil." I felt that she WOULD be under these circumstances...besides the reasons I just listed, she also knows that she is about to find peace at last--and she is sharing touching, private moments with her love. I think those things combined would give her the strength to overcome the corruption of her spirit for one day. That is why I have not portrayed the nasty side she keeps talking about. However, it is still within her, as she mentioned in the first few chapters, and it will consume her again if she doesn't find her way out. Thus, the end of this chapter, and beginning of the next one...I hope this all makes sense, and I really hope you all liked it! Please review, even if it's flaming--I can take it! :) Thanks for reading!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**AN-1: **Well at least it didn't take QUITE so long this time to post, eh? :) But I do have something else to apologize for...still no death scene yet. SOOORRRY! :( I wanted to include the rest of the gang now, and it was just getting too long to do that AND continue on with the memory thing and death scene. (Although I do start off with more from that scene taking place) Perhaps next chapter. I'm planning on it, but no promises, just in case! :)

**AN-2: **Thanks again to the couple of people who bothered to review! I really appreciate it very much. And for the one who once complained about my spelling of Kilala before? Well I've finally found some manga (woohoo!) and read enough fics to spell it right without trouble, so it's "Kirara" in this chapter. (You're Welcome) ;)

**AN-3:** Please review! Flames accepted happily! Anything's ok by me...just to need to know if it's time I just call it quits and yank the story. Maybe start something else...anyway, if you're here, you must be here to read the chapter, so here you go, for whatever it's worth:

**Letting Go...And Holding On**

Inuyasha's head is tilted downward to reduce the height difference between himself and Kikyo, allowing them to stand nearly nose-to-nose. The thatch of steely threads coursing down his back scintillates in the early morning radiance like the flickering stars of a clear, dark night. His face is unusually placid. After some initial struggling with straying thoughts and intruding emotions, he finally managed to acquire the blank state of stillness Kikyo spoke of, using her "white linen" suggestion. His large, rough hands are facing upward, in prayer position, still sandwiched between Kikyo's. Her smaller, more delicate extremities stop shy of Inuyasha's fingertips and claws, which protrude from between her hands as if they were an outgrowth of her own body. Her panther-like hair glints in the sunlight alongside Inuyasha's, but displays an array of color contrasting and distinct from his own. This brightness of dawn brings out the shades of blue and purple within the black, reminiscent of the Shikon jewel itself, tainted in Naraku's hands.

Kikyo's countenance, however, is anything but placid. Her expression is intense; marking deep thought and fierce concentration. She is summoning all of her spiritual powers. A pinkish-white light begins to grow in her chest as she does so, increasing in magnitude with every passing moment. The warm, bright light begins to lick at the conjoined hands directly in front of it, and soon envelops them altogether. The light continues its journey from there; creeping simultaneously up and down the arms of the couple it seeks to envelop. Before long, it has found leg, thigh, neck, foot, head--every part of each body. Kikyo's commitment has succeeded in surrounding the couple with her own light, now outshining even the rays of the sun.

Suddenly, Inuyasha's head bolts straight upright, his eyes fly open, and then he jerks his head backward, emitting a howling sound as if in pain! It appeared as if he were struck by an invisible shaft of lightning!

Kikyo's eyes also spring open at the disturbance. Both their hearts are now racing. And the wonderful light is quickly fading.

Inuyasha's head pops back up and he looks at Kikyo, blushing slightly and smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Kikyo," he mutters. "That was just more intense than I expected, and it kinda took me by surprise."

He thinks to himself, _ I didn't know I _had _any expectations...I didn't know what _**to**_ expect...but apparently I _did_ have some kind of anticipation about it...somewhere in the back of my mind. I guess I kinda thought Kikyo's reaching into my mind would be somehow more...soft...warm. Something more...gentle, I guess. It was more of a shock, though...it felt...like an unearthly hand, almost...grabbing thoughts from deep inside and dragging them out. It was more than a little creepy. I wasn't really prepared for the sensation. But now that I _do_ know what to expect, I'll _be_ ready next time! I can handle this._

"Inuyasha," Kikyo utters softly with a slight smile, "it is alright. Pardon the rude intrusion into your mind, but it is only me. Please now return your mind to its former state--and try not to buck when I enter it." Her broadened smile and coy glimmer in her eyes signify that she is teasing Inuyasha, albeit gently. She just can't help but find it humorous that the Fearless Hanyou Inuyasha--who practically fights in his sleep--would be jolted so by a mere, harmless thought-retrieval.

Inuyasha takes the verbal ribbing in stride, glad that Kikyo is actually happy enough to joke around a little. That thought makes him smile. "Don't worry," he responds confidently to her jesting comment.

"I don't know how much longer my power will last. We'd better return now to our former states." All fun now drained from her, she--and he--begin the process again.

_I won't screw it up this time_, Inuyasha promises himself before going blank.

In a short time, the light is engulfing the pair once again...and this time, when Kikyo reaches into Inuyasha's mind, he allows her entry without disruption or distress.

**BACK AT THE CAMPSITE**

Kagome is busying herself with building up and stoking the fire; a necessary provision for the preparation of breakfast. She hums to herself all the while.

Shippo is down at the nearby stream, attempting to catch fish for said breakfast in Inuyasha's absence. A hopeful Kirara waits patiently on the bank, hoping for a free snack. The kitsune so far hasn't had any luck, save a few "close-but-no-cigar" swipes with his claws. Determined, the plucky little fox demon continues his efforts. _With Inuyasha gone, it's all up to me! _he thinks to himself._ And if Inuyasha can do this, then so can I! I just have to keep trying!_

Miroku and Sango take their leave of Kagome, under the guise of going off to gather more firewood. Once out of earshot, though, the duo intends to converse privately. Once they find an appropriate place to do so, they sit side by side on a felled tree. Sango is the first to speak what is on both their minds.

"Miroku, _everyone_ knows where Inuyasha is...and we both know what that means for Kagome..._usually_. At first light, Kagome was right where I would expect her to be under these circumstances. And judging by her eyes when she did return to camp, she'd also been...upset. That's another thing we've come to expect from her whenever Mr. Idiot runs off after Kikyo. But then...now..."

"I know," Miroku replied, "she's been smiling, singing and humming to herself since her return from her look-out at the edge of camp. Though her swollen, red eyes prove she _had_ been crying prior to that."

"Yeah, I noticed! It's just so strange...it's obvious that she _was_ upset, but now she seems so...so happy!"

"A little _too_ happy. What do you suppose is going on with her, my dearest Sango? After all, you too are a woman--quite a lovely one at that, might I add..."

"You may _not_ add!" Sango interrupts, feigning anger. Miroku sees through the guise, however. The blush on her cheeks she tries to hide by turning her face away from him is proof enough. He smiles to himself, knowing she was appreciative of the compliment, even if equally embarrassed by it.

"As I was saying," Miroku continues, "you are a woman as well. That makes you the closest thing to an expert on what's going on with Kagome than anyone else in our little group! Which would include Inuyasha, if he were here. But then if he _were_ here, I suppose there wouldn't _be_ a problem." He sighs, and bends over forward to rest his chin in his palms; his elbows on his knees to support the weight of his head.

"I'm not an expert on _all_ women just because I happen to _be_ one, Miroku. And I'm certainly not an expert on Kagome! Her behavior often puzzles me. Perhaps because she comes from another time...I don't know. All I _do_ know, is that something has got to be wrong here...she's always so miserable when Inuyasha goes chasing after Kikyo, and from the looks of it she _was_ last night...so why the abrupt change? I'm just as confused as you are about her sudden cheerfulness."

"Well, considering that Kagome was already outside the camp perimeter when we awoke, there is no telling how long she was out there. Perhaps something or someone found her, being out in the open like that...do you suppose she could have been put under a spell?"

"It could be you're right, Miroku. But...if someone with such power had come that close to camp, don't you think _we_ would have noticed them too? I mean, wouldn't the noise have awakened us? Or even if not, wouldn't Kirara have alerted us?"

"I suppose you are correct," Miroku sighs into his hands. With that, he returns to his straight sitting position.

"What if..." Sango begins slowly, afraid her theory will sound silly, "uh...what if she's in denial? I mean...holding all those terrible feelings inside and covering them up with more pleasant ones in order to avoid the pain? You know, sort-of...pretending she just doesn't care?" She inspects Miroku's face carefully, fearing a derision, yet holding her eyes steady in an emotional deception of her own. She knows Miroku would never mock her outright, but the expression on his face and the words he chooses could do just the same to her if he finds her theory ridiculous.

"Sango?" Miroku says, not really asking anything, but making the named nervous, "Not only are you beautiful, but you are brilliant as well!" He grins directly at her as he says this, causing her to blush intensely and turn her head quickly in the opposite direction.

"You...you really think so? I mean...MIROKU!!"

"Aaah, that was so worth it," says one smiling monk with the imprint of a demon-slayer's hand across his face. Said slayer is already heading back to camp, her face twisted in frustration. _Why does he always have to go and ruin it! The minute I think he's giving me a _genuine_ compliment..._

"Sango, wait...please!" Miroku calls after her, trotting to catch up. She stops, only to turn toward him with a blazing glare in her eyes. "Sango...I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist." He grins sheepishly up at her from his downcast head, his hand trying to rub the sting out of the reddened finger marks on his cheek. _He looks so damn cute and sweet like that..._Sango muses,_ ...he makes it impossible for me to stay mad at him! _

"But I meant what I said," Miroku adds softly, in all seriousness.

Sango lets out a long, defeated sigh. Knowing he's now off the hook, Miroku perks up. Raising his head, he continues what he was trying to say earlier. "Sango, I think you may very well have correctly assessed Kagome's problem. The trouble is...what, if anything, can we do about it? Is there any way you and I can help her? More importantly, _should_ we? If she's happy now, even if it is false in nature, perhaps it would be best for us not to interfere and let her find her own way out of this?"

Sango takes a few minutes to think it over before issuing her reply.

"If you and I _did_ find a way to 'help' her, all we'd really be doing is making her realize how much pain she's in. Then she would start crying all over again, and it would just be terrible. I'd feel awful, you'd feel awful, and certainly Kagome would feel awful. Plus, we don't know when that Two-Timing Jerk will be coming back--we wouldn't want him showing up right when Kagome's in the throes of the misery _he_ caused! So, since none of us want to feel bad, least of all Kagome, I say we go with your last suggestion. Let's not interfere and just let Kagome handle this on her own."

Both now satisfied they've found some answers about their friend, they start heading back toward the camp.

"Uh...Sango?" asks Miroku, suddenly stopping.

Sango stops and turns to face her partner, now a pace or two behind her. "Yes?" she replies, puzzled.

"Don't you think it would be prudent to return to camp with some firewood in hand?" He grins mischievously.

They stare at each other for a moment...then they both burst into laughter. Once they regain their composure, they begin collecting wood--the whole reason they were _supposed_ to be in the woods in the first place!

Once the two reach the campsite and unload the wood near the fire, they find Kagome cooking three pitiful-looking fish. The fish have claw marks and shredded skin everywhere, and they're almost too small to bother cooking. Before they can comment, however, a jubilant Shippo pops up, "I caught our breakfast for us, all by myself! I didn't need any help at all!" He's grinning from ear to ear, his chest puffed up with pride. Miroku and Sango exchange glances, and then each congratulate the young fox demon on his "fortuitous catch" and "excellent fishing skills," respectively. Kagome ruffles his hair, smiling as if all is right with the world. Then she unpacks some supplemental food items from her backpack, since three tiny fish won't fill five hungry bellies--six, if Inuyasha returns in time. She puts them on to cook with the sad-looking fish.

The miko then sends Shippo to gather more kindling, in order to address Sango and Miroku about Shippo's 'catch.' "I know they're small and kinda...well...ugly, but I didn't have the heart to throw them out. He tried so hard, and finally managed to catch something...he's so proud. So please eat it, and pretend it's the best you ever ate, even if it isn't, ok? I don't want to hurt his feelings." She peeks over at Shippo, picking up small sticks near the entrance to the forest. Sango and Miroku exchange glances again, then turn their focus onto Kagome.

When Kagome eyes them in response, she gets an inquisitive look on her face. "What is it?" she asks, without a trace of sadness in her voice.

Miroku is the first speak. "Oh, not much, really...it's just that...you seem so happy. That just strikes Sango and me as a trifle odd...you know, considering..."

"Considering what?" Kagome responds, seemingly unaware of what he's talking about. "And what's so strange about me being happy? I'm pretty much always that way, aren't I?"

"Um...yeah, I suppose so. Just...nevermind me. It was nothing." He smiles at her, and quickly makes an excuse to leave the scene--their breakfast, which seems to be ready now. Sango follows quickly after.

Even though the two had agreed to let Kagome be, it was just so _creepy_ to see her like this under _these_ circumstances that they both felt compelled to at least inquire. After Kagome's response, though, they both thought better of it.

Shippo returns to the fire with his kindling, setting it aside and taking a seat, ready for his meal. He tries to ask why Inuyasha hadn't returned yet--only to be met by Miroku's hand over his mouth and something whispered in his ear. Whatever was said was enough to keep the young fox demon relatively quiet throughout the morning meal, with occasional fearul gazes up at Miroku--who returned the gestures with 'I'm warning you' in his eyes.

Later, after the five comrades share Shippo's meager and mangled "breakfast," supplemented with some of the items from Kagome's backpack, Kagome addresses her friends while all still sitting together.

"Well," she says stretching, "After a fine breakfast like that..." she turns her eyes to Shippo with a large grin, who beams with pride in response, "I think a little walk would do me some good. So I'll see you guys later! Don't worry, I won't be gone too long!" She smiles reassurringly at the small group. Kirara mews and after a peep at Miroku's 'warning,' Shippo simply says, "ok, bye!" The two humans, however, know exactly why Kagome is taking a walk. They peer at each other momentarily from the corners of their eyes in a knowing manner, then bid their farewells and cautions to keep safe to their companion.

Kagome heads out alone into the forest.

_**Just as a refresher, in case you've forgotten and are also wondering why Kags is so happy: She spent the night before going over it in her head about Inu and Kikyo and her own feelings. She ultimately comes to the conclusion that no matter how jealous or hurt she gets, Inu's pain must be a lot worse and she can't go on selfishly thinking only of her own hurt, but should instead be there to support Inuyasha in his time of most need. That's the nutshell version, anyway. :)**_

_**Also, I tried to get MirSan, Shippo, and Kirara down right, at least according to the anime. Please let me how I did! Was I in character? If not, how so? I'd like to improve, so please review and let me know! Also, I fear for the life of this story...readership seems to be going down according to the fewer and fewer reviews...so if people are losing interest, I'd rather not waste my time writing it. I may not be very good yet, but it's my first fic, and I'm putting blood sweat and tears into it. It just isn't worth it if I'm just boring people to death. So please review! Even if you hate it! At least then I'll know someone is actually READING it! LOL And I'll hopefully learn something, too, and improve my writing. Don't be afraid to tell me I suck...I already figure as much, ya know...just tell me HOW I suck so I can work on it, K? Thanx!**_


	7. Chapter 7

Inuyasha's memories become Kikyo's. She sees through his eyes, hears through his ears, touches through his hands, feels through his heart. She uses her powers to manipulate Inuyasha's mind, bringing forth his memories as she desires.

In the days before Naraku, Inuyasha had been everpresent--mostly by watching from afar. Once she had become aware of his eyes on her, Kikyo had invited him down--and everything began to change from that moment. Kikyo watches the story unfold before her internal eyes as she views one memory after another. She feels Inuyasha's heartbeat increase at the sight of her as she purified herself in the river beneath his tree-branch perch. She feels his inward smile and hears her own voice speaking to him as they sat side-by-side on the plain overlooking the village. She feels how shy he was so many times when trying to speak to her, often becoming flustered and thus ill-tempered. She hears his thoughts of her when he watched her in battle--both proud of her strength and afraid for her life. She feels how magical her lips felt to him as they shared a kiss that day on the boat. Then she learns, unquestionably, what he knew at that moment--that he loved her. She sees it in his soft-light image of her through his view. She feels it in the aching longing in his chest. She hears the words in his mind, ready to leave his moving lips until her past self stilled them, having heard all she needed to hear.

Now Kikyo knows... Even after finding out the truth about Naraku's set-up, the 'born-again' Kikyo still had doubt about Inuyasha's true feelings for her. Now she knows--Inuyasha had really loved her. Enough to become fully human just to be with her. She visits the memory of that discussion too, to find the intent within him sincere.

Then the nightmare begins. Kikyo saw herself--Naraku in disguise--uttering the most deplorable of words to Inuyasha, 'her' bow trained on his position. He was shocked. He couldn't believe his own eyes. Then came the arrows. Inuyasha was crestfallen. Kikyo could feel the anguish and subsequent outrage of betrayal well up in his heart as the arrows came straight at him. Her heart broke with his. She experienced every ghastly moment that he had experienced, all the way up to the final arrow of sealing. She witnessed her former self saying cruel things, even as she bled away her own life, all owing to the lust for vengeance that Naraku had created. She felt Inuyasha's confusion at her accusations of betrayal, and his attempts to understand why _she_ had betrayed _him. _But in the final moments...Inuyasha's last thoughts as he considered the fallen Kikyo, whom he thought had decieved him, were not of hatred or vengeance. Kikyo felt his feelings of love and forgiveness, though still mixed with grief and ire. He did not hate her. Even then, he did not hate her. Instead, he was almost grateful that fate had chosen the woman he loved to be the bringer of his death. Thus, he slept in peace for those 50 years, despite the dreadful events leading up to the moment that spell was cast.

Kikyo witnessed every scene up to that point with Inuyasha--and felt it all as he did. His thoughts and feelings within the images viewed were overwhelming. Tears couldn't help themselves; they slipped from Kikyo's eyes of their own accord. Thus it had to be, for as a priestess, Kikyo would never yield to such weakness. Yet she felt that the harsh onslaught of Inuyasha's emotions and even the unwanted tears were worth going through--for now she understood Inuyasha in a way that she never had before. She was awed by the depths and purity of his feelings--love, loyalty, forgiveness, compassion, trust--side by side with fury, resentment, insecurity, pain, doubt. There was far more beneath the hanyou's surface than she ever suspected. She was glad to have had such intimate contact with his soul before her return to eternal rest.

At this point, Kikyo momentarily thinks to end her journey into Inuyasha's mind. She had already gained far more during this experience than she ever could have expected or hoped for--and the ride was not a gentle one. Yet to fully find peace, she feels she must go further. She must now know how Inuyasha percieved her _after_ her death and resurrection. Thus, she proceeds forward--to the memory of the first time the two saw one another after their last terrible, Naraku-orchestrated encounter--the day she was revived by Urasue.

The scene is more unpleasant than she expects. She sees herself reborn, standing before a stunned Inuyasha. His emotions are a brutal mix: Anger, hurt, love, compassion, longing, resentment, awe, dismay--all running deep. When she first lays eyes on herself through Inuyasha's, she feels first the shock he experiences at seeing her again--but then she feels the love he had for her in the past resurface, and hears his internal appraisal of her beauty. The biting words she utters next, however, bring out his wrath. Kikyo watches as Inuyasha and herself exchange verbal blows. She understands now how he had used his rage as a shield against her beratement--and a disguise for his despair. Then came the blood.

Kikyo remembers this day well, and knows what follows. This time, however, she has the privilege--and curse--of being Inuyasha instead of herself.

She feels Inuyasha's rage fizzle out completely at the site of her injury, gushing red liquid. Then she listens as Inuyasha is treated to her own retelling of events, ending in how Inuyasha betrayed her. Nonetheless, he lowers his guard for her, allowing her to approach and touch him--only to be thrown to the ground in pain with a burst of her powerful energy. The memory then shifts to Kikyo once again picking up her tirade--all of which Inuyasha tries desperately to refute. Kikyo feels his determination, his pleading heart. Yet at the time such things went unheeded. Rather, he was entreated to a double arrow attack--the second reaching its target. That's when, as Kikyo herself remembers better than anyone, Kagome called most of her soul back to her body, stopping the second arrow from fully penetrating Inuyasha's chest. Kagome had saved Inuyasha from death at Kikyo's own hands. However, Kikyo's only interest at the time was in escaping before Kagome took back the last bit of her soul. So she ran--right into trouble.

Kikyo remembers well how she slid nearly off a cliff moments later, but she did not know what Inuyasha was feeling as he gripped her wrist to keep her from falling. She had only heard him trying to convince her to give The Girl back her soul--but now knows there was no malice in it. In fact, at that moment, he was only thinking of saving a life, not taking one. He did not wish her to die, as her next words indicated. Her saying as much, however, had brought into the foreground that ugly fact Inuyasha had been ignoring--that doing as he asked would mean her death. All her venomous words pierced his heart that day, unbeknownst to her then. And when she slipped away from him...he felt wounded to the core, calling after her. Kikyo then witnesses what happened to Inuyasha after that. He collapses from the injuries she had inflicted upon him, lamenting how wrongly everything had turned out. His heart is filled with grief. After everything she had just put him through, he did not hate her. He never hated her. He only ever loved her. Nothing she did could remove it, change it, or kill it. He loved her. _He loved her._

Now Kikyo feels satisfied that she has seen, heard, and felt everything she needs to in order to override her own horror-story memories with Inuyasha's. His were perhaps equally grisly recollections, but they contained Inuyasha's thoughts and feelings--the truths she needed in order to move on. She knew now. Inuyasha had never betrayed her. He had never hated her. No matter what happened, he always loved her. _That_ was the most important thing she needed to know--and to know it firsthand. She prepares to break the connection.

However, something calls to her...faint, but perceptible...what is it? Something is telling her to move forward, to continue on. There is something--or some_things_--left for her to see--learn. It is her soul...her one little piece of a living soul that has remained since that horrid day...it is whispering to her intuition. She will follow it.

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**A/N: **Sorry so terribly awfully horribly late!! Personal issues + Writer's Block + HARD chapter contentone late chapter!

**As for said chapter**...I hope it wasn't too confusing, and please don't shoot me for all the English language rules I broke writing this, but you have NO IDEA how ridiculously difficult it is to write in the present tense about participating in a past event in the present time. Exhasperating!! :) But I hope you guys were able to stay with me...I know it had to be confusing from your end. I apologize for that, but I really did the best I could!

**Kagome Lovers and/or Kikyo Haters**--don't worry, there's not too much more of Kikyo. I'm giving her this sympathetic treatment and a nice send-off, and then it's just InuKag again! Bear with me! :)

**The next update **you get will be my re-write of the first chapter. I think it's much better! More story to it! Please give it a look-see when I post it, (which will be anywhere from a few hours from now and oh, about a week on the long end--I'm editing now) and then tell me what you think in a message from my profile page, or email me directly at missycamp at hotmail dot com. (have to do it that way or it won't show up right)

**Thank you so much **for reading! I worked incredibly hard on this so I sure hope you like it! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Following her intuition, Kikyo continues to move forward. She begins to view additional memories of herself through Inuyasha's perspective. As she does so, she discovers a pattern she finds bittersweet: every memory of herself in Inuyasha's mind, from the day she was revived on, is directly linked to a memory of Kagome. For each memory of herself she views, she is entreated in kind to a memory of her counterpart. Kikyo learns in more detail what consequences her presence has wrought to Inuyasha. Each rendezvous gained Inuyasha the silent treatment, the sit command, or simply the sadness of witnessing Kagome's teary-eyed heartache.

Kikyo's spirit had led her to these memories to fill in gaps in her knowledge of how things have changed around her. This part of the memory viewing shows her just how bound Inuyasha is to Kagome. She gains a more profound understanding of how deeply the half-demon feels for the girl from another time. This knowlege makes Kikyo sad, knowing it could have been her, but she accepts it as part of the trio's fate.

She now feels that her education is complete—she has learned much about herself, and she now knows and understands Inuyasha in greater detail. She feels confident that she can now pass into the afterlife with peace. Thus, she breaks the connection.

Suddenly, Kikyo's knees buckle beneath her, and she slips down. Inuyasha catches her, then gently lowers them both down until they are each resting on their knees. Inuyasha asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am alright. What about you?"

"Keh. Aint nothin' wrong with me!" He bares a fang in a twisted smile of mock indignation.

Kikyo has a hard time phrasing her next question, given the delicate ego of the questionee. "Inuyasha...was...was this experience...difficult for you?"

Inuyasha hesitates. In all truth, it was, yet he doesn't want to seem weak. Finally, he settles on the truth anyway, knowing that is what Kikyo wants from him.

"Somewhat. Reliving my own memories--well, some of them aint exactly pleasant."

"And...I am curious, Inuyasha...what did _you_ see and feel during the memory viewing?" She eyes him inquisitively.

"Well, I didn't see any of _your _memories if that's what you mean. For the most part it was just like remembering...you know, things from the past. But there were a few times I could sense your presence. I could feel how you were feeling. Those times were pretty intense."

Kikyo feels embarrassed at having such raw emotion witnessed by another--particularly Inuyasha. However, considering what he just displayed before her, she knows she has no right to complain. Her discomfort dissipates.

"How are _you _doing after all this, Kikyo?" asks Inuyasha with concern. "Are you okay?"

Kikyo smiles genuinely. "I am. I am better than 'okay.' I have found my peace. I can now move on without pain, anger, regret, or any kind of sufferring."

Inuyasha's face fell. He had momentarily forgotten what this whole night and morning have been about.

"Now...I must go," Kikyo states calmly. "I can delay no longer. I have learned all I needed to learn. I have gained all that I need to move on." Before Inuyasha can protest, Kikyo's soul collectors approach, wrapping themselves around the couple. Immediately, souls of the dead begin to emerge from Kikyo's body. The soul collectors take them high into the sky and release them; then return to retrieve more. Kikyo's body begins to go limp. She falls against Inuyasha's chest, and he holds her to him helplessly. He knows he can't stop this. He whispers sadly into her hair.

"Kikyo...I'm so sorry I let you down. I failed you. I led you to this. I'm so sorry." Tears begin to form in his heartbroken eyes.

"You did not fail me, Inuyasha." Kikyo says weakly. "This was solely my decision. Put your conscience at ease. You only helped me gain that which I longed for the most--peace. Thank you for that."

"I don't want you to go, Kikyo!" Inuyasha whispers harshly.

"I know. I know. But it is an inevitability for us all, in due time, Inuyasha. And my time is now."

Kikyo pulls back slightly to make eye contact with Inuyasha, her servants still dutifully swirling about with white whisps in their clutches. Softly, she cups Inuyasha's cheek with her hand.

"Please let me go—and do not mourn me too long. You must live life! You must live it fully. Give me your word that you will not let my death hold you back. Promise me! It is my dying wish."

No longer able to speak, Inuyasha hesitantly nods in reply. Then he bends his head to touch his lips to hers one last time. She presses into him in response. This is her goodbye, too.

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Kagome's early-morning resolution to put Inuyasha's feelings first and to be there for him had given her the strength to endure his absence yet again, knowing whom he was with. Thus, with her own feelings of pain neatly tucked away, she had happily bustled about camp throughout the morning's routines. Now, however, she was all alone. There was no one here to show strength for. She didn't have to "swallow" anything in the woods. She now feels free to release the whirlwind of pent-up emotions still roiling inside her. Thus, the reason for her walk: to clear her mind by truly being herself, no matter what emotions she feels—or how selfish she thinks it is to feel them.

So she walks through the forest wondering what is going on with Inuyasha and Kikyo.

_Inuyasha's usually back by daylight...and this morning he wasn't even back in time for breakfast! I'm really starting to worry._ _I desperately want to go find him, but I know I shouldn't. He's capable of taking care of himself and he would be angry with me if I went after him. He'd probably think I was just trying to spy on him or that I didn't trust him or something._

That last thought sticks in Kagome's mind for a moment.

_Well, truth be told, I _don't_ trust him completely where Kikyo is concerned...so I can't help feeling like I should know what he's been doing with her all this time. Nonetheless, I can't condone spying. I just can't go after him, no matter how worried I am--about his safety or his--whatever it is--with Kikyo. _

She sighs in defeat, and decides to head back to camp.

Then it happens. She sees them. A moderate distance away, in a clearing surrounded by trees, all all-too-familiar hanyou blanketing an all-too-familiar miko with his body, the pair's lips engaged in a tender kiss. All manner of color erases itself from Kagome's face until she is even paler than the dead woman embracing the half-demon she longs to call her own. All blood seems to drain from her upper body, rushing straight to her toes, at the sight before her. This is more than she can bear. In her shock and heartbreak, she does the only thing she knows to do. She turns her back to the intertwined couple—and runs.

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When they finally part, Kikyo gives Inuyasha a warm smile. With nearly the last of her strength, she tells him, "Inuyasha, I have left you with a gift. When the time is right, it will show itself. Please take advantage of it. Always remember that I love you...but do not dwell on it. Farewell, Inuyasha."

With that, her head fell limp against his chest as the last of her dead souls escaped to worlds unknown. A deep growl begins to form deep in the hanyou's body. Before he can release it, however, Kikyo's body suddenly bolts upright as a bright pinkish-white light, full of energy, bursts from her chest and streaks across the sky—then dips down between a thatch of trees. Silence follows. Inuyasha's sad eyes fill with wonder as he watches the enigma disappear into the forest. Kikyo's head falls forward into Inuyasha's chest once again, and he returns his attention to her. She did not move. Inuyasha knew she was finally gone. Unable to hold back any longer, he cradled his former lover's body and let a quiet tear fall from each eye into her obsidian locks.

Then, suddenly, a scream echoes throughout the forest, causing birds to leave their treetop homes in droves. Inuyasha recognizes the voice. "Kagome..."

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**A/N: **This isn't my best work. I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I am in the process of revising this entire story as I continue to add new chapters—I have one and two finished so far. I will revise this one as well when I get to it. As always, please review! Tell me what's 'wrong' with it as well as what's right so I'll know better how to revise it. Thank you bunches!! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**WARNING!!** The rating has changed for this story!! It is now "M" for language (and possibilities for later). If coarse language offends you, please read no further. Thank you!

Back at the campsite:

"Don't go too far!" Yells Sango at Shippo's tail as he trots off into the forest.

"I won't," Shippo hollers in reply.

Sango turns to Miroku with a smile. "He's on a mission to provide for the group again."

While the kitsune is out trying to scurry up some eats for lunch, Sango and Miroku occupy themselves with building and stoking the midday fire.

Sango is the first to voice that which is on both their minds. "What do you suppose is keeping Inuyasha and Kagome?" she says, worry coloring her words.

"I don't know," replies Miroku. His voice held a little _too_ much cheer. "I've been wondering that myself. But I'm sure it's nothing serious."

"But...what if something happened? What if one of them is hurt or something? Kagome didn't even bring her bow and arrows with her when she left; she could have gotten into trouble. And even Inuyasha isn't invincible, and he's been gone longer than Kagome." She looks questioningly at Miroku. "Maybe we should go look for them."

"No, I don't think so. I haven't sensed any evil auras around, or heard anything unusual. I'm sure they're both fine. They're probably just making up after Kagome caught Inuyasha with Kikyo, and enjoying some time alone together. Speaking of which..."

A sly smile spreads across the monk's face and a twinkle glints in his eyes.

Sango glowers at him, but can't control the slight upturn of her lips as she does so. She can't help feeling flattered when her betrothed's amorous intentions are focused on her.

"Do you really think they are alright?" Sango reiterates, trying to ignore Miroku's innuendo.

"Of course I do. Now let's get ready for lunch, shall we? Here, let me help you with that..."

SMACK!

Shortly after the red fades from Miroku's face, the kit returns to camp, dangling a rabbit from its ears.

The young demon is positively glowing with pride as he addresses his compatriots.

"Look! I caught a rabbit! I used to go hunting with my father and I remembered everything he taught me!" Shippo is all chest and teeth.

His radiance is contagious. Miroku and Sango smile at one another before directing their mirth back at Shippo.

"You did a fine job, Shippo! We're both quite proud of you!" says Miroku excitedly, honestly impressed.

"And I'm sure your father is, too," adds a spirited Sango. Shippo's smile expands even further.

"Here, let me take care of that for you, Great Hunter Shippo," Miroku suggests.

Loving the nickname, Shippo happily hands off his catch to the monk.

"I'm going to go back out and see what else I can find!" bubbles a jubilant Shippo.

"You know the rules." Sango admonishes.

"Yeah, I know! I won't go too far or stay gone too long!" the kit replies. "_I'm_ not Inuyasha," he mutters under his breath.

Miroku sets to the task of preparing the rabbit for cooking while Sango digs through Kagome's bag for side dishes once again.

Feeling like she just got the wind knocked out of her, Kagome bolts mindlessly through the trees, her surroundings an abstract blur. Saltwater droplets follow the contours of the wake behind her. But before she can make it halfway back to camp, she trips over a tree root, earning her a faceful of dirt.

Shoving off the ground forcefully and springing back to her feet, she resumes her previous course--opting for a slower yet still hasty pace. She staggers and stumbles her miserable way along--gripping, grabbing, scrabbling at random tree trunks for some measure of stability.

In her state of brain-numbing devastation, Kagome doesn't sense the billowy brightness coming up from behind, streaking straight at her. Suddenly, the strange, cloud-like 'phantom' dashes down and slams into her back, knocking her to the ground. Her head crashes hard onto a large, jagged rock jutting out of the earth. The image she happened upon moments earlier—her love intertwined with her rival--flashes in her eyes—and burns into her mind as she slips into darkness.

Inuyasha knew Kagome was in trouble. He had to help her—of that, there was no question. Without hesitation, he carefully laid Kikyo's body onto the grass. Then, with a silent promise to return, he took off after the woman in his life who was still living—for the moment--and he wanted to keep her that way.

He ran fiercely, following Kagome's scent—and the bitterness of her blood.

_No, no!_...He laments to himself. _Not both of them! Not both in the same day!_

Before he could even process the loss of one woman, he now has to face the possible demise of the other--within mere moments of the first. The prospect of losing both women at once is mind-boggling.

_I don't know what I'll do if she's...if she's..._He can't bear the direction that thought is heading.

_What was she doing out here, anyway?! And why didn't I pick up her scent?!_

Inuyasha's thoughts come to a quick end when he catches a glimmer of something from the corner of his eye. He halts abruptly and turns to get a better look. From the far side of a batch of bushes...brown shoes...white socks...too much leg, with the sun glinting off the creamy, dew-pearled skin...all topped with a too-short green skirt. He rushes to her side.

There, atop her body sprawled in the grass, is a delicate, pale face framed by waves of cobra-black hair—both flecked with blood. The small face is half-buried in the dirt and dead foliage.

Inuyasha's _own_ blood goes cold at the sight.

He drops to his knees. A whimper escapes him as he gently moves her injured head onto his lap. "Kagome," he whispers.

He studies her body intently, cringing at each and every bruise and scrape. He blanches completely at the sight of her gruesome head wound. His anger rises. 

"What are you doing out here?!" he barks at her with a crackle of pain in his voice. "Damn it, I TOLD you not to go out into the forest by yourself! Look what happened! You got yourself hurt!"

His voice hitches on the last word. It's killing him to see her this way.

Then something unexpected catches his attention—her heartbeat. It wavers, weak and erratic, as her breathing becomes jagged and labored. His worry skyrockets. He just lost one woman he cared for, and now--now he's losing another. His face contorts in pain and guilt.

He condemns himself. _This is all my fault, damn it!_ _I can guess why you were out here—you were looking for my sorry ass! Worse yet...I didn't even pick up your fucking scent before you got hurt!_

He lets out a heavy sigh, laden with the thickest anguish and self-justified shame.

_Kikyo was right...I _couldn't _protect you both. I couldn't protect either _one _of you! Kikyo died--right there in my arms! I couldn't prevent it...but I could damn sure help her do it! What's wrong with me?! And now here _you _are...like this! Because of me! It's all my own fucking fault! I'm so useless! _I _should be the one lying there...not you! Damn it! Damn _me! _I never should have left you alone! I wasn't there to protect you! I wasn't there..._

Inuyasha fists his hands in a fury of self-loathing. He bares his fangs and growls.

In his despair, Inuyasha's instincts and love unconsciouslytransition his angry demeanor to a softer one in order to see to Kagome. He tends to the girl carefully, keenly aware of her condition. He swathes her body with his own, lifting her legs into his lap with the utmost care as he delicately positions her head on his shoulder, then bending over her protectively.

He notes her heartbeat slowing to a crawl, and her breathing becoming even more laggard and shallow.

Then both cease at once.

His worst fears have been realized.

The woman he cared for the most has just died in his arms. It was Kikyo all over again—only worse.

This was Kagome.

Panicked, Inuyasha tries the only thing he can think of—water. He takes Kagome to a nearby lake. He wades in waist-deep and dips her body under, cradling her head, keeping her face just above the surface. He ladles water from the lake with his free hand, and carefully pours it over Kagome's forehead, rubbing the blood from the scratches on her face. He carefully cleanses the fatal wound. As he bathes her, he whispers to her.

"Kagome. Wake up. You have to wake up. You can't leave me—not now! Not _ever_! I need you!" His voice begins to crack even as its volume increases, though Inuyasha is aware of neither. His mind is fully focused on reviving the young woman in his arms.

When she doesn't stir, his voice takes on an even harsher edge. He begins to slap water vigorously onto her face and shakes her form in the water. "Come on, you baka! You have too goddamn much to live for to die now! Wake the hell up, damn it!"

Stillness.

He slaps her across each cheek, and listens for breath. He is so desperate now, even a sit command from her colorless lips would be more than welcome.

More stillness.

No movement, no breathing, no heartbeat.

Inuyasha's frantic attempts cease. He dares the rare caress of her face and hair, a pathetic lilting whine escaping his throat.He pulls the young miko tightly to his body and places his chin atop her head. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He prepares to do something he's never done before, not even when he was staring death in the face himself. Not even when his own mother was dying. Not even this very morning, when Kikyo died, right there in his arms.

He prays.

**A/N: **Many thanks again to my beta and friend, Brakken, for her invaluable help and contributions to this chapter! It would not exist without you, B!

**A/N 2: **Sorry for the delay, as always. This isn't easy, ya know! :) I hope no one minds the rating change and language; I just got tired of having a less-expressive Inuyasha. Plus, I'm considering making my first fic my first (extremely tasteful and romantic) lemon! Who wants it and who doesn't? Please tell me when you review! Assuming you review, of course, which I always very much appreciate! :)


	10. Chapter 10

"Kami," he addresses the gods, "I know you don't give a shit about me...and you're no friends of mine...but this isn't fucking fair! It's not just me this time--you're hurting her too. My life may be meaningless, but hers matters!"

His voice begins to crack again as he realizes the importance, the real depth, of the loss he holds in his grasp. "There are so many people who love her...please, give her back.. To her family, to her friends. You can take me instead! I would gladly give my life for hers. She is so...good, so..._special_...she doesn't deserve this! Please...please...." His voice trails off into a whisper with his last pleading request.

No response.

He waits--moments, minutes, hours--he doesn't know.

Nothing changes.

With his one and only prayer unanswered, Inuyasha pulls Kagome's head away from his shoulder to gaze upon her lifeless face. Tears begin to form in his heartbroken eyes. He softly mutters to himself, "She looks so pale...just like Kikyo..."

SMACK!

"WHO looks like Kikyo?! And what the heck do you think you're doing--trying to drown me or something? And in freezing water, too!" She snorts to punctuate her next point: "Oh, but it's not like I wouldn't know why...I saw you y'know! I saw you with her! Don't think I don't know what's going on!" She glares at a wide-eyed Inuyasha. "Well you can just go be with her all you want, because I'm leaving! But first...Inuyasha, SIT!"

SLAP through the surface of the lake and straight to the bottom to eat mud.

An obviously fully revived (and spitting mad) Kagome storms off back to camp. A completely stunned Inuyasha struggles to grasp what just happened as the spell wears off and he rises from the water. A smile spreads across his now-red (and wet) face.

_She may be furious...she may have sat me...but at least she's alive!_

Though still unconvinced the Kami were responsible for Kagome's resurrection, he offers a silent prayer of thanks _just in case._

Too elated at the girl's recovery to be angry with her, Inuyasha begins to follow Kagome from a suitable distance in the treetops to assure her safe return to camp. Once he's certain she's in good hands, Inuyasha abandons his mobile treetop vigil. He backtracks to the clearing where Kikyo's body lay. Once there, he gently lifts her form into his arms and sets out for Kaede's.

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Kagome emerges from the forest into the campsite where the rest of the gang (minus Inuyasha) are having their lunch.

"Kagome!!" Miroku, Sango, and Shippo cry in unison. The kitsune becomes a blurry red streak as he sprints to Kagome's position and springs into her arms.

"We were all so worried, Kagome! You were gone so long! I'm so glad you're back!" He grins up at her, and she returns the gesture. "But...why are you all wet, Kagome?"

Kagome's face contorts. "Take a wild guess," she mutters, mostly to herself.

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Inuyasha lays Kikyo's body on Kaede's sleeping mat. He brings the priestess up to speed on how the other miko died, and what happened to Kagome, leaving out as much detail as he could afford to.

"I see," comments Kaede. "Then my sister got her wish. She is now at peace. As it should be. I am glad for her."

After a brief but thoughtful silence, Kaede informs Inuyasha that her sister's wake will be that night and the memorial service early the next morning. He nods his response and prepares to leave.

"Are you certain Kagome is alright?" Kaede adds as Inuyasha pushes aside the matting of the entrance.

"She was well enough to sit me when I saw her last! And she's with Miroku and Sango now."

"Then I am certain she is fine. Give her my best, Inuyasha. Travel with care."

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"Inuyasha!" **s**houts an exuberant Shippo upon the young man's arrival at the campsite. He runs up to the half-demon grinning. However, the look on Inuyasha's face causes the kit's warm smile to go cold and fall flat.

"What's wrong, Inuyasha?" asks Miroku, walking towards him. Sango's face displays the same question. Even the great fire cat mews with concern. Only Kagome ignores the hanyou, turning her head away from him with a high-pitched 'hmph.' She assumes Inuyasha is upset about getting caught with Kikyo—and then being sat for it.

Inuyasha disregards everyone near him to approach the angry miko. "How's your head?" he asks her softly, eyeballing the bandage around the wound.

"What do you care?!" spits Kagome, now turning to look into his eyes defiantly. Her mouth moves to begin a rant, but stills the moment the pair's eyes meet. Something is wrong. He's not angry. He's...sad? Inuyasha? Something is definitely awry.

"It's...uh...I'm...fine," the priestess finally sputters.

"Good." replies Inuyasha flatly. Satisfied with her answer, he bows his head to deliver the news.

"Kikyo is gone," he nearly whispers.

"What? What do you mean....gone?"

"I mean she's gone. Forever."

"But...how? N-Naraku?"

"No. It was her choice. Her wake is tonight and the funeral is in the morning, down in Kaede's village. The old bat wants Miroku to officiate. Please tell the others for me."

At this, he turns away, and walks to the edge of the forest where Kagome sat up the night before.

"B-But..." she calls out to his back.

The stunned Kagome decides it is best to give her friend some privacy for the time being, and goes to inform the others.

Soon it is late afternoon, and Inuyasha fishes alone for dinner. Even Shippo stays back, realizing the hanyou's need to be alone right now.

In the tree hovering over the camp, Inuyasha stares down his dinner as if it were threatening to eat _him, _as the rest of the group slowly consumes their evening meals by the fire in relative silence.

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Sango and Kagome decide to bathe in the hot springs before attending the wake. Inuyasha and Miroku stand guard as always—hidden behind a boulder blocking their view of the girls.

The two young women speak in hushed voices (so the menfolk won't hear) about the events of the day.

"What do you suppose he meant by that, Kagome? 'It was her choice.'"

"I don't know. I don't know how she died, either. Or how he can be so certain. He's thought her dead before only to find out she was alright after all."

"I suppose he will tell us when he's ready."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But there's more I'm curious about. I'm embarrassed to even say it...but...I can't help but wonder, Sango, if that is why I saw him kissing her. Was he saying good-bye? Or was it something else and she died later? I desperately want to ask him, but I obviously can't. I feel so terribly selfish for even being concerned about it now, but...I...Oh, I'm a terrible person." She sighs, feeling ashamed.

"You are _not_ a terrible person, Kagome," Sango reassures her. "You can't help how you feel. It's not going to go away. You just need to know what happened, and someday you will. I'm sure of it."

"Thanks, Sango. Still, I feel guilty for even thinking about it. I mean**,** Inuyasha just lost someone he cared about, when he's lost so much already. I feel awful for him, I really do, but I also can't stop wondering why he was out there with Kikyo in the first place." Another guilty sigh.

"Cheer up, Kagome. This is a difficult time, I know, but it will get better. Everything will work out in the end. At least that's what I believe. I have to. Otherwise, I would give up hope on ever getting Kohaku back alive. It's just like you always tell me, Kagome--you just have to have faith."

Kagome smiles at her friend's warmth. She really does feel somewhat better now.

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Once in the village for Kikyo's wake, Inuyasha heads straight to the Goshinboku. Kagome tries to talk him down. "Inuyasha, don't you want to pay your last respects?"

"I've already said my good-bye."

"But...don't you think Kikyo would want you there?" A lump forms in Kagome's throat as she continues her argument—she is finding it difficult to do right by the very woman who had been her competition when she was still in the living world. "She always called for you when she needed help...even in her final hours. Don't you think she would ask you to be by her side now if she could?"

Inuyasha casts his gaze aside, realizing that Kagome's words are most likely true. Nonetheless, he does not wish to look upon Kikyo's countenance again, knowing full well she will never be revived again.

"Kikyo's dead, remember?! And she already got what she wanted from _me_. If you want to go, go. But leave me out of it."

"Come on, Inuyasha. After all the time you two spent together?...And...what about..." Kagome struggles to pull out the painful words, "the feelings you had for each other? Don't you still want to be there for her now?"

Inuyasha scowls in response. He is moved by Kagome's apparent acceptance of his feelings for Kikyo, but even that isn't enough to change his mind.

Kagome ignores the intense stare and twisted visage trying to burn through her. She steels herself for the next round of difficult homage to her rival. She takes a deep breath. "We didn't always get along, but I know Kikyo was a good person at heart, and a powerful priestess. And I know she loved you. I think she would want you here. Please come down, Inuyasha."

"I already fucking told you! She already got what she fucking wanted from me, damn it! And I said all I had to say to her. _You_ go! Leave me the hell alone!"

Kagome sighs in defeat and attends the wake Miroku is conducting without the hanyou. Her face is pensive, trying to understand her friend's objection to attending the wake of the woman he loved—and dealing with the latter part of that thought as well. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice the far-away look in her eyes.

Everyone did notice, however, the obvious absence of the half-demon. No one was particularly surprised, but none could really understand it. They just accepted it and went on with the wake they were all attending primarily for the very hanyou who decided not to.

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(Back at the campsite)

While everyone prepares for bed, Inuyasha returns to the forest's edge. Kagome quietly follows him. She takes a seat to the right of the now-black-haired Inuyasha. The cruelty of fate had decided upon on this night to begin a new lunar cycle and take his demon powers from him.

He sighs sadly at this thought, but not in such a way as to ward off visitors--at least not this one.

_Of all the nights to be human_, he mutters mentally.

_At least he isn't asking me to leave,_ thinks Kagome at the same time.

"I suppose you want to know what happened, huh?" Inuyasha states, facing forward. His eyes are focused absently on some far away object.

"Only if you're ready, Inuyasha. I mean...I can leave if you want..." She begins to get up.

"No!" Inuyasha grabs her arm, popping his head up to look at her. "I mean, go ahead and stay if you want." he corrects himself, releasing the limb from his grasp and dropping his head, his face reddened as if with rouge.

Kagome retreats from her attempt to rise and settles in on the grassy earth.

"Kikyo sent for me last night. I was worried. I followed her soul-collectors to that clearing near the lake. That's when she told me."

An uncomfortable silence ensues as a hurting Inuyasha pauses to keep control of his emotion-laden voice.

Morbidly curious though she is, Kagome does not wish to rush him. This is obviously a painful story for him to tell, and when he's in pain, she suffers as he does. Her heart twists harder the longer the silence continues, knowing how he's feeling.

Finally, he speaks. "She asked me to...um..._help_ her. I was ready to help in any way I could...but I never expected this." His bowed head turns to the left, away from Kagome. He is determined to keep the miko from witnessing any emotion in his now-brown orbs.

Another silence follows. Kagome dares not ask any questions, but rather allows her hanyou to go at his own pace. She's just glad he trusts her enough to confide in her like this.

This silence is short-lived, and soon Inuyasha is back on track with the tale.

"She asked me to help her fucking _die!_" Inuyasha bursts out with a raised voice, hitching despite his efforts to prevent it.

"She WHAT?!" a wide-eyed Kagome exclaims, shock overriding her efforts to remain silent.

Unruffled by Kagome's response, Inuyasha continues to reminisce with a sad but now-even tone, as he redoubles his efforts to remain calm. "Yeah. That was my reaction, too. But she was fucking _insistent! _She told me she was unhappy here and wanted _peace!" _He spits out the last word as if were poison on his tongue—and to him, it was.

He continues, "She thought the only way to get that was to die." Inuyasha's voice cracks again as his ability to control his tone wanes. It is becoming more difficult to rein in his emotions as he recalls and puts into words the events of the previous night and this very morning—in his human form, no less.

Another uncomfortable silence. Kagome is speechless—a rarity for the chatty girl.

After a few moments, she finds her voice. "That doesn't sound like Kikyo. Do you know why she decided this now?"

"She said she had done a lot of fucking _thinking__!_ Shit, she thought she was causing _pain_ by being here and that she wasn't _supposed_ to be here at all! She kept telling me she was unhappy..." His voice trails off as sadness overcomes him. A lump forms in his throat.

Kagome places a hand on his shoulder for comfort, giving it a little squeeze. Inuyasha places his hand over hers.

"Well if that's really what she wanted...then wouldn't she be happy now?" Kagome offers.

Inuyasha sighs. "I don't know. I hope so. I hope I did the right thing. _She_ was damn sure convinced it was."

"So...how exactly...I mean....how did you help her?" An uneasiness creeps into Kagome's stomach. She's unsure if she should be asking such questions--but Inuyasha seems to need to get this off his chest--and is having difficulty on his own.

"It's complicated. She wanted me to be her 'vessel', I think that's what she called it. She needed to see the past through my eyes in order to let it go—or something like that. I don't fully understand it, but that was what she wanted. So I let her. I fucking let her! She was just so goddamn persist**e**nt, no matter how hard I tried to talk to her out of it!"

He let his hand slip off Kagome's in frustration. Kagome drops her own, suddenly feeling she was invading his space. Self-loathing anger begins to arise once more in the half-demon.

Gently, Kagome tells him, "You did what she asked to bring her peace and happiness. You did nothing wrong. I'm still not sure exactly what it is that you did do, but I know it wasn't wrong. It was what she wanted." A fragile smile graces her sad face as she tries to console the object of her affections.

Inuyasha's wrath at himself dissipates with Kagome's warm reassurance. He then proceeds to explain to her the best he can about the memory-viewing and how difficult it was for them both.

_That's amazing!_ _I wonder if I could that with_ my _miko abilities..._The curious girl can't help but ponder this wondrous thing.

"She was truly a remarkable woman, Inuyasha. And quite strong. Just as you are." She smiles brightly at him. The corner of his mouth upturns just slightly in return. He puts his arm around Kagome's shoulders, and she reciprocates with an arm around his back and her head on his shoulder. It's a rare tender moment, and they both relish it, despite the sadness in the air.

Inuyasha then recounts to Kagome how Kikyo actually died by releasing all of her dead souls. However, he remains silent about the enigmatic energy that left of its own accord, after the soul collectors disappeared.

Kagome simply "ohs" at the method of death. Now she understands how Inuyasha can be so certain that Kikyo cannot be revived.

After a short, but comfortable, silence, Kagome lifts her head from its 'pillow.' "Um...Inuyasha?" she begins, a waver in her voice. He cocks an eyebrow at her.

"I'm...really sorry for earlier...at the lake...for saying The Word. I was just, you know..." she blushes and turns away, the word "jealous" hovering at the periphery of her tongue, not quite able to leap out.

"Don't worry about it," Inuyasha replies, his cheeks warming to match hers.

"But...why did you have me in the lake? What were you doing?"

"You...uh...I...I tried to revive you with the cold water."

"Oh, the fall. I lost consciousness."

"You lost more than that," he whispers to himself. _And so did I,_ he adds mentally.

"What was that?" Kagome asks spiritedly, certain she heard him say something she would want to know more about.

"Nothing. We should really be getting to bed now. It's late and...there's a funeral in the morning."

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Once in her sleeping bag, Kagome reflects on the events of _her_ day. After her talk with Inuyasha, she realized she had gotten some of the answers she sought. Particularly about the kiss. She was now certain, though it was not mentioned, that it had indeed been Inuyasha's goodbye to his former lover. Even _she_ would not, _could_ not, deny him that. She still had questions, but she was satisfied for now. She would bring up the rest after a time, when the pain wasn't so fresh in Inuyasha's heart.

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Miroku was honored to be chosen to officiate Kikyo's last rites in the earthly plane and assist her in reaching the next. The funeral goes along beautifully, with mourners making offerings of prayers and incense for the deceased priestess and speaking well of her life. Kaede, as next of kin, served as Chief Mourner, instructing Kagome in the ways of the process.

Kagome was glad to comply. She only wished Inuyasha would come down from the God Tree and join her. Yet, she understood now why he did not.

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**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, but my beta Brakken is such a beotch, she just would not be satisfied! ;) (I'm teasing Brak, you know I'd be lost without you!) My writing is much better thanks to her slavedriving, making me rewrite 50 times...(I'm asking for it, aren't I?) :D No, for real, many thanks go to Brakken for her help. (Please don't kill me!)

I hope everyone enjoyed this installment!


	11. Chapter 11

As Kikyo's body is being creamated following the morning service, the traveling companions head back to camp in relative silence.

Inuyasha skips breakfast. Kagome, becoming more worried about him by the minute, does her best to coax him down into a bowl of ramen. The stubborn hanyou adamantly refuses from his treetop perch. Kagome is forced to throw in the towel, and all is quiet for the rest of the day.

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--That night--

Up in the tree overlooking camp, Inuyasha is lost in his own thoughts.

_They both died in my arms...yet I'm more affected by what happened to Kagome. I cared deeply for Kikyo, and I feel her loss--b__ut strangely enough, it doesn't seem to hurt as much as I thought it would. __I know I'll never see her again--and I'm angry at myself for bending to her will—but Kikyo _wanted _to die! And she was really__already dead. But Kagome...she's so _alive! _And so...vulnerable, so nice, so...I don't know...Kagome. How else can I say it?_

A lengthy sigh passes through his lips.

_I don't know what to think, or how the hell I'm supposed to feel. I'm so fucking confused, damn it! I wish none of this had ever fucking happened! All I know for sure is, I'm damn glad Kagome is ok. She died in my arms and by some fucking miracle came back! I don't know what I'd do if I had really lost her..._

Snuggled into her sleeping bag, Kagome peers up at Inuyasha, who's staring into the distance with a pensive look on his face.

_He must be thinking of Kikyo,_ she thinks sadly. _Oh, I'm so torn. It breaks my heart to see him so sad...and I feel bad about breaking the promise I made myself to be there for him after he goes to see Kikyo...but when I saw him kissing her, it was just too much. I couldn't help but get upset. And I'm _still _jealous! Even after her death, I'm jealous that he's up there thinking of her right now. I feel so ashamed...Inuyasha's in pain, and I'm jealous of the dead woman he's hurting over. What kind of friend am I?_

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--Time passes--

The end of the _day_ three months ago that Kikyou died, as well as Kagome who had inexplicably come back, and the aftershocks had yet to pause for the hanyou.

Today was like any other day spent on the trail in recent time: Inuyasha at the front, brooding as he stalked, Kagome a little behind, visibly preocuppied with his tense silence, the rest a few paces behind, considering some way to solve the rut their two friends had fallen into.

So preocuppied were they all, none sensed the enemy till he was upon them.

A chain scythe shot into the clearing; Shippou barely dodged it in time.

"Inuyasha—a jewel shard!" Kagome shrieked as she finally woke up to the ping hitting her aura.

It was rather unnecessary though, as the chain scythe's owner stepped onto the path, catching the weapon deftly but stiffly. Kohaku had made another apperance.

"Kagura and Kanna aren't here," he flatly answered the darting eyes of a rapidly catching up Sango and Miroku, and Inuyasha's twitching ears. "Only me."

His eyes were a dull brown, but his voice...monotone for every word, but for that slight quaver on the last...

"Keh. Like that matters," Inuyasha grunted as he flicked the blade guard of the Tessaiga.

Kohaku drew his arm back, Inuyasha unsheathed his sword, Kohaku threw the scythe, Inuyasha moved, missed...

A dull _thunk_ as the scythe buried itself to the right of Sango's head, in a tree.

_Wait. What the hell just happened here...?_ Inuyasha's mind seemed to echo with the thought.

Kohaku slowly pulled the blade back, bowed his head, his bangs hiding his eyes...and fell to his knees. A single, fine, dark brown hair lay across the scythe. They glinted in the little light from the setting sun.

The forest, the group, even the wind seemed to pause as the boy contemplated his weapon, and the hair.

"I...I..." he breathed, voice trembling under the emotions supressed for so long..."I don't want...to fight...any more. Why...why do I have to...?"

Kagome's heart broke for him, for that voice, that tortured soul who just wanted to stop. If it had been Souta...

"It's ok, you don't have to, it's alright, we'll protect you," she murmured soothingly as she approached him, knelt beside him. It was an act of compassion, done instinctively, sincerely, and too quickly to be stopped.

The others watched in horror as the blade, still firmly in the boy's grip, rose, gleaming, the hair falling away, the dead eyes that looked at her--

"Kagome!" Inuyasha yelled as he hurled himself, instinctively, purposefully, desperately, hoping to get there in time--

The sickening _rip_ of flesh parting, the _plop_ of blood congealing and hitting the ground, the _thump_ of a body slamming into the dust.

Kohaku leaped away, pulling back his bloody blade, and reached for a smoke pellet. In a moment he was yards above on a swiftly fleeing feather.

"Go after them! They might lead us to Naraku!" Inuyasha yelled at Sango and Miroku, face contorted with pain and anger, waving for them to be on their way.

"But Inuyasha--your chest!" Shippou exclaimed.

"I'll stay and take care of him--it's my fault he's injured after all," Kagome murmured quickly.

"Keh," was all Inuyasha would say to that, but he quickly added "so go! Now, before you lose them!"

With a final torn look at their friends, Sango and Miroku and Shippou climbed on to Kirara and flew away into the dying sun.

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**A/N: **Gracious and abundant thanks go to my friend and beta Brakken, and my genius son Lattimew, for writing this battle scene for me! I had very little to do with it, as I can't do action to save my life! Applause for them both, everyone! :)

**WARNING!! **I have decided to go ahead with the lemon! There will be one in an upcoming chapter, so don't read any more of this story if you find such material distasteful. I will not give another warning!

Please, please review! I live for reviews! Tell me what you think, for better or for worse! Lol Thanks in advance! :)


	12. Chapter 12

"Inuyasha, you're bleeding. I need to bandage you up."

"No!" he bites back, grabbing her approaching wrist. Softening his tone, he adds, "We need to find shelter first, baka. It's winter, and night is coming fast. _I_ might survive the night out here, but _you_ won't."

Kagome nods her agreement, grabbing the backpack she had thrown off during the skirmish with Kohaku.

The pair walk silently for some time, Inuyasha holding his hand tightly over the seeping wound in his upper torso. Finally, they come across a rocky outcropping at the foot of a mountain.

"Here." Inuyasha states, pointing to an opening in the rocks. He moves ahead of Kagome, then tells her to stay outside while he checks the interior of the cave for any inhabitants. Moments later, he reappears at the entrance and beckons her inside.

The cave is dry and rocky, with intermittent flat spots on the walls and floor. Some of the rocks jutting out from those walls also have smooth tops, so they will not have to sit on the floor.

"Guess we'll be sleeping here tonight," states Inuyasha dejectedly.

"Oh well. It can't be all that bad. We'll just have to make the best of it!"

Inuyasha shakes his head in wonder at Kagome's inexplicable optimism under such unpleasant circumstances.

"You do realize, don't you, that you could freeze to death in here. I can't imagine what you're so cheerful about."

"Oh, we won't freeze. Because _you're_ going to go out and get some firewood so we can have a fire!" She smiles brightly at him.

Inuyasha rolls his eyes. He knows she's right, however, and states that he will bring back some firewood as soon as his wound is bandaged.

"But you stay here!" he adds. "Don't leave this cave for any reason!"

Kagome nods in agreement as Inuyasha makes his way out of their makeshift domicile.

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The warm glow of the fire casts moving designs on the walls of the cave. Kagome watches them dance with interest. She also watches the meal she prepared for the half-demon disappear with a gluttonous fury. She can't help but smile at this 'so Inuyasha' moment.

"Do you think this fire will be enough to keep us both warm in here, Inuyasha?"

"Sure." he slurs with a mouthful of noodles. "Why not."

This isn't exactly the peaceful, private picnic Kagome had imagined when she first stepped into the cave, but it was still romantic to her, just to be alone with her hanyou. His presence alone will do as much to keep her warm as the fire, she thinks wryly.

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A pop in the fire wakes the half-dozing Kagome. Slowly, she takes in the dying embers before her--and the freezing air seeping in from outside.

More wood was needed, that was certain. She casts an eye at the lounging hanyou. He looks so comfortable, leaning back against that rock, haori draped over him like a blanket, eyes shut, a still look on his face...and he really shouldn't be moving around too much with his injury, hanyou or not...She couldn't ask him to go out now, that also was certain.

Resigned, she clambers to her feet, blinking the sleep from her eyes as she slowly stumbles towards the entrance of the cave.

"Kagome...Where are you going?" a very awake, if low voice rumbles behind her.

She turned a little, smiling at him. His eyes were still shut; he'd hardly moved an inch, though his ears were aimed right at her.

"I'm just going to get some more wood before the fire dies and it gets cold. I won't be but a moment," she answers quietly.

"Keh. Like hell you are. You'll just get lost or freeze or hurt yourself out there. I'll go." His voice is steady, brooking no argument. He slowly rises to his feet, eyes open now, glinting gold in the firelight.

She stubbornly replies, "Now really, I'm not that helpless you know! And besides, you shouldn't move with your injury! Remember what happened the last time I sent you to get firewood? You reopened your wound!" With that, she strides purposefully towards the entrance.

"Kagome, I told you, I'll go--" he growled, catching up to her in a flash, despite his wound, fear being a strong motivator as well as pain-reliever.

"And I said that you shouldn't! Look at you, you're grimacing already! Do you think I like watching you in pain?" she snapped back, still driving for that exit.

"Shit, I'm fine, and I won't freeze like you will--I said stop, wench!" he barks, finally grabbing her arm, not knowing any other way to stop her.

He was sure he was going to be sat the moment he grabbed her--he did _not_ expect what happens instead.


	13. Chapter 13

An image begins to form in Inuyasha's mind. He sees Kagome's skirt—she's kneeling, sitting on her feet and legs--and she's _crying._ Without yet knowing it, he's inside her mind—her memory. He can see what she sees, hear what she hears, touch what she touches, but most of all—he can _feel_ what she's _feeling. _Inuyasha jumps back with a start at the jolt of emotion—only to find he cannot break free from his own physical grip on the girl. It is then that it dawns on him what is happening—and that he cannot escape it.

In _her_ mind, Kagome sees herself, half-submerged in lake water. Peering down at her own form, she sees Inuyasha's arms holding her, carefully bathing her scrapes and injured head. But what is striking is how she suddenly _feels. _The shock sends her reeling, pulling away from Inuyasha—who is attempting to do the same at the same time—only to find herself stuck to him like superglue. Unable to physically move away, she soon realizes she is just as stuck mentally--she doesn't understand how or why, but she knows now that the image in her head that refuses to depart is a memory of Inuyasha's—and she cannot escape it. But the shock soon wears off, and she settles in and goes with it—after all, getting into Inuyasha's head is something she's always dreamed of.

Inuyasha feels Kagome's heart break. He had no idea that leaving her to see Kikyo had caused her such an abundance of pain. And through her memories, he sees just how often it happened. The depth of the hurt, the proliferation of her tears...it's almost more than he take. But it doesn't stop there. Instead, the images mutate into other memories.

The image in Kagome's mind shifts to a memory from earlier in that time frame, and so she finally learns what really happened after she saw him kissing Kikyo. She witnesses the pinkish white light that confounded the hanyou leaving Kikyo's body to dart into the forest. She recognizes it as the last bit of her and Kikyo's shared soul, seeking the counterpart residing in her body. That, she concludes, is what had hit her in the back that day and caused to her to fall, leading to her head injury. But the cascade of memory doesn't halt here. Instead, the girl is bombarded with more memories of Inuyasha's.

Inuyasha continues to view various memories of Kagome's, each revealing in its own way. He saw how much trouble she went to to prepare meals just for him, only to have him hurtfully reject them outright. He was able to witness what Kagome went through to save Kikyo after Naraku had slashed and 'killed' her at Mt. Hakurei, filling her body with toxic miasma and sending her off the cliff—into the river where Kagome ultimately found her. He was even treated to a secret that Kagome had kept from him—about the Priestess-Eating Cave. Kagome had saved Kikyo just for him, and never said a word about it. He had dumbly just assumed the singular shards had fused together into one of their own accord. Now he sees the truth. He is learning, through Kagome's memories, just how much the girl had done, how much she had sacrificed, how much pain she had suffered and endured, all for him. He was beyond disbelief. Now Inuyasha felt he finally understood why Kagome was so loose with the 's' word. Now he felt he really did deserve it for being such a blind baka. He had hurt her so much, and never even knew it.

Then, the memories come full-circle. He listens in on her thoughts from the night of Kikyo's cremation, three months ago to the day--how she had mistakenly assumed that he had been preoccupied with thoughts of Kikyo while in his tree, when in fact his thoughts had been on her. _Silly girl. _She had even chided herself for her emotions, been ashamed of her jealousy_. _But it is what he sees next that changes everything.

Kagome feels the panic Inuyasha felt every time she had been in danger; senses the threat he felt whenever Kouga came around. She sees how willing he was to die to save her if it came down to that. She even sees the beads of saltwater trapped by his lower lids after the Poison Master, Mukotsu, had nearly killed her and her friends, only to be saved by the unlikeliest of all saviors, Myouga. He had even passed on a good fight with Kouga because he felt the wolf was right. His own sense of guilt kept him from trying to kick Kouga into the next world. Kagome senses more of his own self-damnation whenever she got hurt, such as the time that the White Child, Akago, had nearly found enough darkness in her soul to corrupt it--and thus control her with a tainted jewel shard—while he had been out seeking Kikyo on a false lead. But what she sees next is what changes everything.

Inuyasha witnesses a very powerful memory. It was after Kagome had spied him embracing Kikyo at the God Tree, vowing to protect her from Naraku. She had learned that day, through the strange look in his eyes, that he had chosen Kikyo over her. In her despair, she had left for her own time, presumably never to return. She was kneeling before the Goshinboku, tears spilling over her lower lids, dropping to her knees. She's lost in thought—and overwhelming emotion. This is the day, Inuyasha soon discovers, that Kagome realizes the truth. She's in love with him. _She's...in love? With me?!_

Then Kagome is privy to a life-altering moment. Her memory-image reverts back to the first flash she witnessed, seeing this time the scene in it its entirety rather than just a snippet. She sees what Inuyasha failed to tell her—that she had actually _died_ that day, just as Kikyo did. He had left the dead miko's body immediately to come to her aid. Then, he had taken every measure he could think of to revive her—even resorting to prayer!...and as she well knows, Inuyasha is not the praying type. She hears his sincere pleas to the Kami, feels the desperation he feels. She could feel his heart rending as if it were her own—and for the first time ever, she could see his tears falling unhindered from his face. She is awestruck by the depth of Inuyasha's concern for her well-being. It seemed almost as if...as if he...

Before any doubts could seep in, the image in Kagome's mind changes—to the day of Kikyo's cremation. She had been jealous of Kikyo, even in death, for she was certain her hanyou had been in his tree continuing to mourn her. Now, she is treated to some of his most private thoughts—those so private he would never give voice to them.

_They both died in my arms...yet I'm more affected by what happened to Kagome. I cared deeply for Kikyo, and I feel her loss--b__ut strangely enough, it doesn't seem to hurt as much as I thought it would. __I know I'll never see her again--and I'm angry at myself for bending to her will—but Kikyo _wanted _to die! And she was really__already dead. But Kagome...she's so _alive! _And so...vulnerable, so nice, so...I don't know...Kagome. How else can I say it​...__I don't know what to think, or how the hell I'm supposed to feel. I'm so fucking confused, damn it! I wish none of this had ever fucking happened! All I know for sure is, I'm damn glad Kagome is ok. She died in my arms and by some fucking miracle came back! I don't know what I'd do if I had really lost her..._

Then the images in Kagome's and Inuyasha's minds fade to black, only for a new one to appear. It's Kikyo. And they both see her.

This is not a memory from either of their minds.

The image speaks.

"Inuyasha, Kagome...I did many wrongs after my unnatural return to the world of the living—particularly to the both of you. This is my repentance—and my gift. To you both." An image of Inuyasha appears to her left, and one of Kagome to her right. Kikyo takes Inuyasha's virtual hand and places into Kagome's. "Do not allow the opportunity I have presented to pass you by. Time to do so is not limitless—for one never knows when the end shall come." A coy smile plays across her lips. "Farewell," she says simply, her smile widening into one of true happiness, even as her image fades along with the two she conjured.

The hanyou and the miko are standing, dumbstruck, at the periphery of the cave, Inuyasha's hand still gripping Kagome's arm. They look each other in the eye, each wondering if the other witnessed what he or she just had. Inuyasha quickly drops Kagome's arm, and they both blush furiously, taking their eyes off one another to inspect the ground and cave walls.

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With pinked cheeks, the pair stares at one another, each wondering the same thing about the other. Kagome takes a seat on her 'bed' from the night before, sighs, and then bravely speaks up.

"Inuyasha...did you just...see...something?"

He knew it was useless to lie. "Umm...yeah...what did _you_ see?"

"Umm...what did _**you**_ see?!" she narrows her eyes, thinking Inuyasha is acting suddenly mysterious, like he's hiding something.

Inuyasha looks away, his pink cheeks turning bright red. "You," he says simply.

Her suspicion suspended for the moment, she replies, "And I saw you...Inuyasha, what _was_ that? Is that the same thing that happened with you and Kikyo?"

"Yeah. Only this time neither of us made it happen. Apparently Kikyo left something behind in me when she died. She did say she was leaving me with a gift. And you do have the power of a priestess. I guess that's how she was able to do it."

"But...why? What did she want to get out of this?"

"I'm not exactly sure," he says pensively, walking towards her. "I guess it really doesn't matter now, she gave her message. So...what about me did you see?" His cheeks are redder than apples, and his eyes can't find their way back to hers, though his body is right in front of her.

"Something I never expected..." she says quietly, almost to herself. Then, more than a little louder, "Why didn't you tell me I died that day?! That's something a person would want to know about themselves, you know!"

"I didn't see any point in it. I didn't think you needed something else to worry about."

His unusually soft demeanor relaxes her mood. Her tone becomes more gentle, soothing. "Is that why you've been so weird, so...distant...lately? Because of that?"

"Feh. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Inuyasha, look at me." She tugs his arm. Reluctantly, he raises his eyes to meet hers. He has to answer them.

He fidgets, looking away from her, not wanting to reply. However, Kagome is losing her patience. She crosses her arms in front of her, tapping her foot impatiently, nearly glaring at the hanyou. Reluctantly, he answers her question. "Yeah," he sighs lowly, looking at the ground. "If you must know..." he begins to shout, "Hell, Kaogme, I was never more scared in my life than I was that day! I've been so goddamn afraid that something like that could happen again and I would fucking fail you again. I wasn't fucking _**there**_ to protect you, Kagome, and I almost lost you! Damn it, I could never forgive myself if I let that happen to you!" His face beet red, it's now his turn to tap his foot, eyeballing the entryway as if planning to bolt at any moment.

Kagome struggles to find her voice, momentarily stunned. Finally, she finds it and replies, almost in a whisper. "Inuyasha, that wasn't your fault. When Kikyo died, her part of our soul left her body and went looking for the rest of it. It found me—in a very hard way—and I fell and hit my head. It was just a freak accident. There was nothing you could have done to protect me from it. Please stop blaming yourself. I want things to go back to the way they were." She pauses for a moment, then continues. "I miss you."

"Kagome..." his voice becomes a whisper, "...I miss you too."

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A/N: Thanks as always to Brakken for helping make this chapter possible! :) Don't know what kind of crap I'd put out without you! :)

Also, just to clarify something Brakken said I'd get flamed for: I was NOT indicating that Inu deserved all the sits he'd gotten over time, but that HE felt he did after viewing Kag's memories. I mean Guilty Inuyasha isn't exactly a new concept, right? Ha ha

Finally, I hope this chap cleared up why Inu was so weird and distant—it wasn't mourning Kikyo like Kagome thought, it was actually thinking, worrying, and feeling guilty about HER! 'silly girl' :)

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review! Please??


	14. Chapter 14

Inuyasha palms Kagome's face, gently stroking her cheek, gripping her eyes with his. He had missed her indeed. And now...he knows the truth...

He strokes her hair with his free hand, reveling in the silky feel of it, marveling at her beauty.

Unable to resist the urge any longer, he leans in to touch his lips to hers. The contact is electric. The kiss is sweet, tender, soft—more than magical. Kagome is breathless.

Inuyasha breaks from the kiss momentarily to look into her eyes. He finds them springs of affection, wonder, and want. His mind reels in disbelief. This is a dream he is pursuing. He bends his head for another kiss, this time tentatively flicking his tongue across her bottom lip. A sharp intake of breath signifies her pleasured surprise. He smiles into the kiss.

After a few moments of savoring Kagome's lips, he ventures inside—to a warm, wet, and inviting paradise. Kagome shyly moves her tongue about to waltz with his, and moans into his mouth. The hanyou reciprocates with an approving groan of his own.

The kiss becomes more and more passionate as one very long year of imprisoned emotions and locked-up longing come to the forefront. Inuyasha's arms snake around Kagome for his hands to stroke her back. Just this simple touch and tasting her mouth is enough to send him skyrocketing upward, in both body and spirit.

Kagome straddles the rock she's sitting on to allow Inuyasha to move closer in. Seizing the prompt, he moves forward. Finding the rock to be blocking full access to her body, he instead opts to pull Kagome to him. She breaks their kiss to gasp as her center comes into contact with his stomach. The sound she makes evokes an unconscious growl in the hanyou, who quickly reclaims the miko's mouth. He is just as keenly aware of where their bodies are touching as she is, and the thought drives him wild with desire. A little nervous, Kagome tentatively reaches around her man to rub his back as he is hers. She marvels at the feel of his bare skin--and at being free to touch him so affectionately. This is far more intimate contact than she's ever had bandaging his wounds.

Becoming braver by the moment, she ventures to touch his chest, tracing the outline of his bandage with one hand and exploring his abdomen with the other. She's drunk with passion and emotion.

Finally, finally, she can touch him—the man she loves—in the tender way she's always wanted to. She is finally free to be as close to him as she pleases.

Kagome's hands exploring his torso sends Inuyasha even higher. He is awed by the reality of all that that is happening. Nothing could be more wonderful.

His hands slide up Kagome's back, slip across her shoulders, then trail slowly down her arms. She shivers in response.

Inuyasha finally releases Kagome from his liplock to begin dotting her neck with butterfly kisses. Kagome purrs with delight, encouraging the half-demon. Emboldened, he begins to suckle and nip at her neck. Kagome mews her enjoyment of this treatment. Her body becomes limp in his arms as the ability to maintain coherent thoughts wanes. She knows only sensation—and love. She wants nothing more than to be one with Inuyasha, to be his lover, to make him hers...to experience the pleasure of his touch all over her body, and to give him pleasure in return.

As if reading her foggy mind, Inuyasha ventures down Kagome's sides with his inexperienced yet adept hands, brushing her breasts with his thumbs. Kagome's breath catches as if in pain. The hanyou grins into the miko's neck, knowing it was not pain that evoked the noise. Taking her response as permission to proceed further, Inuyasha boldly slides his hands over each rise, from top to bottom, then again in the opposite direction—eliciting a loud moan from Kagome, dizzy with delight.

He drops his hands to Kagome's knees, adoring the smoothness of her skin as he slides them all the way up to the hip joint beneath her tiny skirt. A squeak greets his ears—and is quite welcomed. His ego gets a boost with each noise she makes from his attentions to her, and heightens his own pleasure.

His wandering hands then cease their leg exploration to take hold of the bottom of Kagome's shirt—and lift it up. A pliant Kagome instantly responds with raised arms, allowing quick removal of the garment. His eyes fall to her breasts, encased in the strange contraption she always wore. 

He allows himself a moment to take in the sight before finally dispensing with the cloth with one carefully-utilized claw. His eyes dance at the vision before him. His hands immediately engulf both breasts, massaging them gingerly, paying special attention to the buds atop them. Kagome hums softly, her eyes closing.

She whimpers when Inuyasha's touch disappears. But it is only for a moment, for his hands are quickly replaced with his mouth. "Inuyasha..." she mutters breathlessly, unaware that she has even spoken. This excites him beyond belief. "Oh, Kagome," he rumbles huskily into her body.

Timid though she is, Kagome decides to take some initiative herself. She wraps her arms around Inuyasha's neck, pulling him closer to her and taking him with her as she lies back on the large flat rock beneath her. Inuyasha's bare chest makes contact with Kagome's, as their smoky eyes meet, sending them both into a dizzying upward spiral of passion. Breath comes in pants for each of them as they enjoy simply taking one another in. Their eyelock unbroken, Inuyasha uses one arm to support his weight while the other finds the hem of her skirt. His eyes look into hers for confirmation that this is what she wants as well. A sweet smile gives him his answer. Kagome lifts her hips off the rock, and with one tug, the article of clothing is a fading memory on the floor of the cave.

Kagome had long dreamed of this moment--yet she had always feared she would be self-conscious when the time came. Now, in the moment, the dream becoming reality—she finds her fears unfounded. She delights in Inuyasha's touch and appreciative stares--there was simply no room for shame when giving this, the most precious of gifts, to the man she loves.

Inuyasha's self-doubt is set aside in the wonder of the moment as well--he is too infatuated with Kagome's perfect touch to find discomfort with his own body—and he was in awe of hers. Perfect in every way, even in its little _im_perfections. He was starstruck by the reality that one so beautiful, sweet, trusting--so everything good--was giving herself to _him_. That thought protruded into his mind more and more, and he began to worry if he was wrong for taking this.

But she wanted this—needed it. She had waited what seemed a lifetime for this embrace. She would not let anything get in the way now. Not her own doubts, nor his. Not even any teachings from her own time that would tell her she was committing a terrible sin--because her heart told her this was right. And that is the only voice she will heed tonight—other than Inuyasha's.

Pushing all negative thoughts aside, Inuyasha resumes suckling at Kagome's left breast, trailing his right hand down her body slowly. She arches to meet his touch.

She gasps when a finger draws down her lacy panties. She responds by lifting her hips off the rock again, a plea for removal of the barrier. Inuyasha is quick to comply. With the efficient tug of one stealthy finger, the panties flutter to the ground. The helpful digit then finds it way back to her center. She gasps again when his finger strokes between her folds in a licking motion, spreading fire in its wake. He increases his speed, making Kagome squirm and moan beneath him. Then he slips the finger inside her. He hears a sharp intake of breath followed by the longest moan he's heard yet. A slightly smug smile tugs at the corner of his mouth at eliciting such a reaction to his ministrations. All doubt and guilt evaporate completely.

Her body is incredible. The feel of her—and the sounds of her—are driving him ever upward.

Kagome is ever climbing to an ethereal dimension. Inuyasha is driving sensations through her so extreme that they bring her to the brink of her sanity.

Wanting to return the favor, Kagome reaches a shaky hand between their bodies to touch the steel behind Inuyasha's hakama. Now it's his turn to gasp and moan. He rumbles from deep within his chest. Kagome smiles at the reaction she evoked in her hanyou as she ministers to his body's salute. Growing ever more anxious and bold, she releases the garment from its bonds. It loosens and falls lower, but pleads for help to come off entirely. Kagome wastes no time in offering her services. In a moment, Inuyasha's hakama is a heap around his ankles, which he quickly kicks off. He stands before his woman completely bare. Kagome's dusky eyes fall to his member as her delicate fingers wrap around him. Inuyasha growls intensely, low in his throat. The feeling is sublime, beyond enticing—simply unimaginable. She strokes him gently, watching his eyes fill with delight and desire at her touch. An upswell of warmth begins in her stomach, and she finds herself wanting even more of him.

She halts her motions, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. Her mind vaguely recognizes that the next step is unalterable—and she finds herself hesitating even as he positions himself to take it.

Looking into his loving, questioning eyes, she realizes that she loves him with all her might, with all her strength, with all her heart and soul—and all that is left is to love him with her body. With that thought, she releases all doubt and submits to him fully.

Inuyasha, seeing the permission in her eyes, slides into her body with ease. Kagome winces at the winking pain that blows away like the wind. All that is left is pure pleasure, and the warmth of love. The feeling of being so close, so complete, like their souls were united—it's simply breathtaking. Tears of love and joy begin to form in Kagome's eyes as he begins to slowly thrust forward and back.

Inuyasha is afloat on a sea of sensation. The woman he loves is in his arms, in the most intimate way possible. The feeling is indescribable.

Waves of pleasure cascade over them both with each rocking motion. Inuyasha slides his hands up Kagome's arms, placing them gently over her head, entwining his fingers with hers. His eyes seek trust—and find it in hers. They cling to one another in a desperation neither has ever known.

Inuyasha's mouth then finds Kagome's breasts again, and takes turns bathing each beaded peak with his tongue. Kagome begins to softly chant his name, bringing Inuyasha closer to the brink. He murmurs her name into her breasts in reply.

The sensations continue to rise, each taking pleasure in the other's as well as their own, until finally the ocean they have created drowns them both in complete release. Inuyasha wraps his arms around Kagome, turning them both over, resting her atop his chest. She's a perfect fit there. She belongs there. They both feel it.

He gently strokes her back as she absently trails her nails down his side. Surely, this is heaven.

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A/N: I really, truly hope with all my might that you folks enjoyed this difficult-to-write scene. I worked very hard on it, trying to make it as loving and tasteful as possible. Please review and tell me how I did! Don't make me beg! :) And, as always, thanks go to Brakken for her constant redirect when I go astray in my writing. She's a terrific beta!

Also, some might complain about Kagome's age in this fic, but really, I consider her a young adult. She faces death and demons on a daily basis—that'll grow you up fast if anything will! And I'm a firm believer in young true love. My mother fell in love with my father when she was 16 and they're still together after 36 years! I feel the love is real here, and tried to show it with my writing. I hope I've been successful. Review please, even if you hate it! :)


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I made a terrible mistake on chapter 12...a third of it was written by Brakken and I forgot to mention it! My apologies, Brak! :)

I also mistakenely called Akago the White Child...my bad! He's called 'the Infant' in the English anime; the White Child is Kanna. Sorry!

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The soft light of morning filtering in through the branches of the trees outside the cave opening found the couple spooned on the flat rock, wrapped lovingly in one another's arms. There was no more doubt now, for either of them, of how the other felt. At long last, they were _together_. Where they belonged. They basked in this thought as they awoke to one another's faces inches apart. This...this was bliss.

Reluctantly, the couple gets ups and dressed and leaves the cave in search of the others. They soon find them, back at camp. Miroku and Sango had given up the search for Kagome and Inuyasha and returned to where they knew the pair would show up eventually.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

"Isn't that just wonderful?" Kagome praised, beaming at the hanyou strutting a few meters away.

Sango cast a baleful look at the monk--he looked on the verge of some unhealthy explosion at Kagome's innocent comment--and sarcastically murmured: "Of course, Kagome. It's wonderful."

Kagome wasn't quite so out-of-the-know to miss that particular tone, though she'd missed her friend's expression, her gaze still locked on the handsome buck with his chest in the air. "What's the matter? Did Miroku try to grope you again?" Kagome sends a suspicious glare the monk's way. That smirk of his...

Now it's Sango's turn to stifle her laughter at her female friend's antics. "N-no, Kagome, it's got nothing to do with Miroku. It's just that...well..."

"I think what the lovely Sango is trying to tell you, Kagome," Miroku cut in, "is that Inuyasha's triumph here, today, is a little less than--"

"What lies are you spreading this time, bouzou?" Inuyasha bit out, unrepentantly shoving his way into the conversation. He'd fought hard and smart, dammit, and there was no way he'd let them poison the especially luxuriant admiration Kagome was giving him. What man in his right mind would give that up?

Sango sighed. She was tired of all this tom-foolery--and friend or not, she couldn't take chest-beating from anyone. Maybe if Inuyasha had defeated Naraku, she would have let it slide, but this--this was just stupid.

"He's just trying to explain that skunk youkai are some of the weakest around, so making a big fuss over defeating one is something a novice tajiya or exorcist might do, but for anyone else--it's a joke."

"Wha-" Kagome gasped, shocked, her eyes, betrayed and hurt by the lie Inuyasha had let her believe, darting immediately to him.

_Oh, shit. Don't cry don't cry don't cry--_"Keh! It's easy for a human to say that--your weak-ass noses make 'em easy! You try beating something that can knock you out in a second with one flip of that goddamn tail and tell me how much of a joke it is!"

"See! Don't be so insensitive, Sango, Miroku! It's not Inuyasha's fault it's harder for him," Kagome self-righteously concluded. Her expression, making as much of an about-face as her tone, radiated indignation even as she hooked her arm in Inuyasha's and stalked away, dragging the helpless hanyou along, oblivious to the contorted faces he made as he tried to come up with some way to fix her error in assumption that would not lead to osuwari's or, worse yet, tears.

Sango and Miroku were stunned for a bit, but collapsed into laughter at the image before long. If the hanyou ever did manage to stand up to the slight girl, then that would be worth crowing about...

Kagome smiled as she stomped away with her hanyou. Everything was back to normal—with one beautiful exception. Everything was going to be ok. More than ok. Perfect.

The End! :)

When I fall you're my place to land  
I lose my touch, you're my hands  
The one I hold on to  
If you run out of reasons to try  
I'll love enough for both you and I  
I'll be the one you can run to

I'd rather go through any pain love puts us through  
Than to spend one day without you by my side

If you ever leave me  
Will you take me with you?  
If you're ever lonely  
I wanna be lonely too  
My home's beside you  
No matter where you may go  
My love's inside you  
Even more than you know

In a world of anger and lies  
I find peace in your eyes  
A flame in the darkness

Ooh… And through all space and time  
Till every star refuses to shine

You know where my heart is

I'd rather go through any pain love puts us through  
Then to spend one day without you by my side

If you ever leave me  
Will you take me with you?  
If you're ever lonely  
I wanna be lonely too, oh  
My home's beside you  
No matter where you may go, where you may go  
My love's inside you  
Even more than you know

Oooh oh yeah…  
And I can't remember life without you  
The way it used to be  
Feels like a million years away  
But hold me till the angels sing  
Tell me every little thing

Promise me forever from this day

If you ever leave me  
Will you take me with you?  
If you're ever lonely  
I wanna be lonely too, whoa  
My home's beside you  
No matter where you may go  
My love's inside you  
Even more than you know

Even more than you know,  
Even more than you know,  
Even more than you know,  
Even more than you know.

--If You Ever Leave Me by Barbra Streisand and Vince Gil

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it for you. I also hope you enjoyed my choice of an ending theme song...it's really beautiful and fitting, IMO. You should go to youtube and check it out!

Please review and let me know what you think of everything!!

A/N: The bulk of this chapter was written by Brakken! I wrote the first part up to the "P" line, and the last paragraph. All the middle was hers! All hail Brakken's wonderful talents!

Don't forget to review! Please??? This was my first fic, after all! :)


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